A Long Year
by henley456
Summary: As much as she hated Charlotte for revoking her surgical privileges she hated herself even r the world-class kick ass neurosurgeon that was Amelia Shepherd she was fallen deeper into the deadly cycle of addiction.
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

_**I want to thank my new Beta-Reader Breakawayy. I will be re-uploading my entire story. So check out each chapter because Breakawayy did an amazing job. **_

_Chapter 1: Prologue _

The one thing she loved, the one thing that kept her balanced, the one place she felt safe and in control was gone. She couldn't believe that Charlotte didn't understand what was going on. She'd just had a slip. A small, tiny, insignificant slip. No big deal, right? But as much as she hated Charlotte for revoking her surgical privileges, she hated herself even more.

She didn't remember leaving the hospital, or even how she got to the bar. But by her third drink, she didn't care. She just knew that she felt better than she had in a long time. And by her seventh drink, she was on cloud nine. She didn't even notice that her phone had been going off steadily for over an hour.

The world-class, kick-ass neurosurgeon was falling deep into the deadly cycle of addiction.

Amelia Shepherd knew she was letting everyone she loved down. She had tried to be strong, she really did. But a time comes when the cravings you feel you need, override everyone else's opinions.


	2. Chapter 2: The Fall

_Chapter 2: The Fall_

A few months had passed since Amelia lost her surgical privileges. Pete had recovered from his heart attack and was working on his marriage with Violet. Not that she cared. She felt lucky that everyone was busy with the chaos of their own lives. No one had time to notice her. To notice that she was arriving to work later and later; if she even showed up at all. Addison was moving in with Sam next door and Amelia was lucky again that Addison had agreed to sell her beach house – way under market value – to her ex-sister-in-law.

Amelia found that the transition from the old practice to the new practice run by Addison was fairly stressful. But the stress didn't come from the constant presence of the high-powered medical lawyer, but the hiring of a plastic surgeon. Yes, this was LA, and yes the practice would benefit from a huge increase in patients, and sure, Michelle Shepherd-Parker was one of the best plastic surgeons in the country. But Amelia's one wish was for her sister to stay far away, with the other bitches of the east coast. Los Angeles was her city.

Until Michelle's arrival, Amelia was easily able to hide her growing number of problems from her family. Unfortunately, it all unraveled when Michelle held a party for her new co-workers, as well as her husband, Hudson's clients. Michelle was observant, and as she scanned the room, she noticed the drink that never seemed to leave Amelia's hand. And not only was the presence of alcohol constant, Amelia was downing glasses almost quicker than Michelle could count.

There's always the chance that it was a high stress day. Or maybe Amelia had just lost a patient. All reasons worthy of needing a drink. But Michelle could only hope. She eyed Amelia closely the entire night, and while she was bringing some dishes back to the kitchen, she over heard Addison and Charlotte.

"How bad is it?" she spoke with great concern as she cut into the conversation.

"What?" Addison turned around, not noticing that Michelle had even entered the room.

"I revoked her surgical privileges a few months ago." Charlotte answered for Addison. "Drinking on the job." Michelle glanced back at Amelia as Charlotte spoke. "She claims it was just a slip, but she stopped going to meetings."

Michelle sighed. "She'd always struggled. Especially before she got clean. I never thought... I never thought it would get this bad again. Not that our recent family relationship has helped with the stress, and Derek getting shot..."

"We helped her through this once," Addison said confidently. "we can do it again."

"I know, I just, wouldn't even know how to start."

"Well, you're not alone. Amelia's not alone, and I'll help." Charlotte was quick to offer help for Amelia, and Michelle was grateful.

Around midnight, all of the guests had gone home, and the kitchen was clean. Michelle wasn't sure if it was lucky or sad that Amelia had passed out on her brand new couch.

In the morning, Michelle got Hudson to take their kids, Brett, Colleen and Rose, out for the day. It was time for an uncomfortable, yet important chat with Amelia.

There was only one person who's advice Amelia would possibly take; her mother. And Michelle knew that. If any of the Shepherd siblings had started with "Oh, Amy," or "How can you do this to mom after she raised the five of us without dad?", Amelia would go crazy. Michelle couldn't blame her, though. She still had nightmares. Not of her father's dead body, she hadn't been in the store, but of a small Amelia, covered in her father's blood.

So Michelle proceeded to make the most difficult phone call of her life. The phone rang three times before someone picked up. "Hello?" but instead of the wise voice of her mother, the voice of a young teenager came through the other line, and Michelle's heart sank.

"Hi Madison, can you put your grandmother on the phone?"

After several minutes of small talk about how the kids were liking LA, Michelle forced herself to get to the point.

"Mom, we need to talk."

"Well I thought that's what we were doing," Carolyn replied with a chuckle.

"It's.." she took a deep breath. "It's Amy. She's been drinking, a lot. She lost her privileges at the hospital. I'm worried."

"I knew there was a reason she wasn't answering my phone calls. Do you want me to fly out? Can you handle this?"

"No, you can stay in New York. But do you have any advice?" there was a tense moment of silence before her mother answered.

"Don't blame her, don't attack her. Just let her know that you're there for her, and you want her to get help. And keep me posted."

"Thanks, ma." Michelle hung up the phone and when she turned around, Amelia was standing behind her. She had obviously overheard the conversation.

"I can't believe you called mom," Amelia said angrily. Michelle sighed, hearing the pain in her youngest sister's voice.

"I did it because I love you, and I care about you, and I want what's best—"

"I don't care why you did it, you had no right!"

"Amy,"

"_Don't_ call me Amy. I don't know what you've heard, or what you think, but I don't need you to come to LA and babysit and judge me. I have everything under control. Just let me live my life!" Michelle stared back as Amelia stormed out of the house, slamming the door shut behind her.

Amelia got in the car and drove. She just drove around, for hours, until the craving was too much to handle. A few minutes and several miles later, she was pulling into the parking lot of the nearest bar.

She hated that she had to drink to get her skin to stop crawling. To feel normal. But after a few shots, she stopped caring and started scoping the room for a cute stranger to go home with.

A few hours after their fight, Michelle drove to Amelia's house in hopes of calmly discussing what had happened. The unlocked door creaked when she knocked, and she let herself in. The house was a mess, littered with dirty dishes, beer bottles and wine glasses. As she was looking around, the back door opened.

"Oh," Addison stepped into the house. "I saw the lights come on, I thought you were Amelia. I've been, um, watching from next door a little."

"Oh," Michelle was amazed at the amount of compassion Addison had for her little sister.

After raiding Amelia's fridge and finding only alcohol and hot pockets, the former sister-in-laws headed to the deck to wait for Amelia.

At the bar, Amelia had finally found her guy. She downed her drink, sat down across from him, and ordered another.

"I have two highs: cutting into people's brains, and sex. And when I can't have one, I go looking for the other." she looked around. "And it doesn't look like anyone here needs brain surgery.."

"Are you trying to pick me up?"

"Maybe," she replied with a seductive smile. "is it working?"

He smiled back with a twinkle in his eye. "I'm Hunter." he said, holding out his hand.

"Amy." she said, lacing her fingers in his.

"I tried helping her earlier. We just got into a fight. I think I'm making it worse. Maybe intervening in her life was just the wrong thing to do..." Michelle expressed her concern to Addison.

"No. You did the right thing. We just need to be there for her, and try to push her in the right direction."

"I remember when she was born; she was so small. I was walking down the halls of the hospital with my dad, Nancy, Kathleen and Derek. I was so excited because I was finally a big sister. We got to the room. My mom had the biggest grin on her face. I was seven. My dad helped me onto the bed to see her. He said, 'You're a big sister now, Shelly. You're gonna help teach her right from wrong, and protect her, just like Nancy, Kathleen and Derek do for you.' And they always had done that for me. They still do. And, I, I can't help feeling like I've failed her as a big sister."

A yellow taxi pulled up at Amelia's house. The taxi driver's plea for a tip pulled her away from the man next to her. The two got out of the car together, kissing as they walked to the door. She was too busy with Hunter to notice her sister's car in the driveway, or the lights in her supposedly empty house.

Before Addison could respond to Michelle, the front door fell open. "That would be Amelia. I'm gonna go back next door. Unless you want me to stay," Addison offered.

"No, it's fine. I can handle it. Thanks, though." with that, Addison left, acknowledging the fact that she probably wasn't going to get much sleep. Michelle watched as the pair stumbled into the living room. She spoke up right as Hunter slipped his shirt off over his head.

"Amelia," she could smell the alcohol lingering on their breaths.

"Who's this, Amy?" Hunter stopped, surprised by Michelle's presence.

"My sister." Amelia rolled her eyes. "She was just leaving."

"Amy? Wow, I don't think you've introduced yourself as Amy since before you got clean."

"Go home, Michelle."

"What is she talking about?" Hunter stood between the sisters, confusion spreading over his face.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." Amelia reached for his belt buckle.

"Actually—"

"Seriously, Shell. Stop trying to ruin my life. I get that your jealous. I would be too if I got married at 19, had a bunch of kids and ruined the entirety of my 20s. But it's not your life to be jealous of, and just because you're older doesn't mean you have some sort of authority over me. I'm not telling you how to live your life, you don't need to tell me how to live mine. I have everything under control."

"It doesn't look like it,"

"I'm _fine_." Amelia snapped back.

"It's okay to need help, everyone needs help sometimes.

"I said _I'm fine_!" Amelia was yelling now. "Just report back to mom and the rest of the bitches of the east coast that everything's just dandy. And leave me the hell alone."

"When was the last time you talked to them?"

"Doesn't matter."

"What do I tell Brett and Colleen and Rose? How do I explain why their favorite aunt was passed out on the couch until noon? They look up to you, Amelia." Michelle paused before asking her next question. "What do I tell Madison?"

Amelia almost blew up at that last comment. "Get out of my house." she said sternly.

"When was the last time you called her?"

"_Get out of my house_!" Amelia repeated more harshly this time.

The tears brimming around Amelia's eyes told Michelle she had pushed too hard. She wasn't getting any farther tonight, she she walked out the door, promising herself that she wouldn't give up.

The next morning, Amelia woke up around ten, and noticed that the man who had followed her to bed the previous night was gone. She threw on an old Harvard tee and sweat pants. She could make it to the office by 10:30 if she wanted too, but she quickly decided against it. Instead, she went straight to her freezer. She pulled out a bag of frozen fries to reveal a bottle of vodka and poured herself a glass.

She hated what her life had become: dependent on a single beverage. Nevertheless, after a few short minutes, the liquor had managed to wash away all the self-hatred and guilt.


	3. Chapter 3: Now Entering the Free Fall

_**I want to thank my new Beta-Reader Breakawayy. I will be re-uploading my entire story. So check out each chapter because Breakawayy did an amazing job. **_

_Chapter 3: Now Entering The Free Fall_

It had been over a week since anyone had seen or even heard from Amelia. She had stopped showing up to work. Addison didn't even think that Amelia had been home once in the past week. Michelle called Amelia countless times, only to get her voice mail. She was worried about her little sister. Everyone continued to worry, until Michelle decided she'd had enough. She found Addison and Charlotte in the kitchen, chatting.

"Addison, do you by chance know if Amelia was home last night?" Michelle asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, the lights were on for a little while, but I never saw her car."

"That can't be good." Charlotte stated with concern.

"I know. We need to do something about it. I'm her big sister. I _need_ to help her. We, _I_ can't just sit around and watch her spiral down like this."

Once again, Amelia woke up entangled in the sheets of a stranger's bed. Her head was pounding. She sat up slowly, trying to bring back any memories of the previous night. She got dressed and wandered through her latest one night stand's apartment. On the kitchen table, she found a bottle of vodka, left open from the night before. She took a couple of swigs straight from the bottle before finding her current location on a stack of mail. She took out her cell phone. She scrolled absentmindedly through missed calls from Michelle, Addison and Charlotte. The last missed call, however, hit her like a bullet to the chest.


	4. Chapter 4:The Encounter

_Chapter 4: The Encounter_

After staring at the missed call from Madison for several moments, Amelia called a taxi to take her home. While she waited for it to arrive, she gulped down the rest of the bottle in front of her; just a few sips. She kept thinking about how Madison deserved better. How she was a terrible mother. She felt guilt.

In the kitchen of the practice, Addison, Charlotte and Michelle unanimously decided that they needed to confront Amelia. But after talking more, they ran into a small problem: where to find Amelia.

"She's not an idiot," Charlotte stated. "she probably knows that Addison's always checkin' up on her."

"She probably sneaks in while we're all here and goes out at night." Addison said.

"Do you think she's there now?" Michelle asked. The three women shared a look. "We should go. Now." they quickly left the kitchen and stopped by the reception desk to cancel all remaining appointments for the day.

Amelia unlocked her front door and walked into her house. Usually, at this point in the day, she would jump in the shower and then pour herself another drink. But today felt different. She sat down at the kitchen table and stared at the missed calls list on her phone. She knew she had to call Madison back, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She tried to provide the best for her daughter, but Madison still deserved better. Amelia stood up and headed to the bathroom, but her ringing phone stopped her. She glanced down at the caller ID and picked it up.

"Hey, I was just about to call you back." Amelia hated lying to Madison.

"Guess what?" she could hear the enthusiasm in the teenager's voice.

"What?" she faked her excitement.

"I aced my human anatomy test!"

"That's great, sweetie."

"Not only was it the highest score in the class, but it was a _perfect_ score. We started talking about the brain, and I swear, Ms. Jette has _no_ idea what she's talking about; you need to come back here and teach her a few things."

"I'm sure she knows plenty,"

"Are you coming for parent's weekend? I really want you and dad both there..."

"I don't know, Maddie. I'll have to look at my schedule.. but I promise, I'll do everything I can to try and make it." Amelia felt guilty telling another lie.

"Do you think dad will come?"

"I don't know, you'll have to ask him."

"Oh. Well, I have to go to soccer practice."

"Alright,"

"Bye, love you!"

"Love you too,"

Amelia knew that she had to call Madison's father. But she also knew that she was far too sober to do it. So after a few more shots, she scrolled through her contact list for Colin's number.

"Hey babe! Look, I'm in the middle of somethin'," _Someone_, Amelia thought. "but if you wanna hookup, I can meet you in 20 at the motel on—"

"Shut up, Colin." she snapped.

"Yikes. Is someone on their period?" Amelia rolled her eyes.

"We need to talk about Madison. Our daughter; you remember her, right?"

"Yeah, sure. What is she now, 11?"

"13."

"Oh, oops."

"Listen, she wants us both at parent's weekend. And god knows I've already screwed up enough this week, so you need to be there."

"Ugh. Look, Amy. I'm a pretty busy guy. I don't know if I can make it." two girls giggled drunkenly in the background. "If I can move something around, I'll let you know." Amelia looked out the window when she heard car doors shut in her driveway. Addison, Charlotte and Michelle were walking toward the door.

"Listen to me, Colin. We will _both_ be there, and if you don't show, I _swear_, I will do everything in my power to make sure you never see her again. I know that when you're clean, you love her more than anything. So you _will_ be there. And you'll be sober. Got it?" she raised her voice, knowing she was fighting a losing battle.

"I said I'll see what I can do, Ames." he hung up the phone quickly and Amelia turned around to see three women now standing in her living room.

"He's such a bastard." she breathed, heading to the kitchen to grab a beer.

"It's ironic," Michelle started. "that you're yelling at Colin for using, when you're drunk, and it's barely noon." Amelia took a swig from the beer bottle in her hand, wishing she had something stronger.

"Why don't you come to a meeting with me?" Charlotte offered, doing her best to make it sound intriguing.

"It's okay if you need help." this was becoming Addison's mantra for Amelia. "We all need help now and then."

Amelia picked at the wrapper of the bottle, zoned out from whatever her friends were telling her. She took another gulp of beer. But it wasn't enough. She needed something stronger.

She needed to get her hands on some pills.

"I'm fine. I don't need your help, nor do I want it. Now get the hell out of my house; I have work to do."

"No you don't. I took away your hospital privileges." Charlotte reminded her.

"Just because I'm not operating, doesn't mean I don't have work. I happen to be finishing off a research paper, editing an article and co-writing a chapter of a textbook." the three women were taken aback with that, and left. Amelia hadn't intended on doing work, but she wanted them out of the house. And that was the best excuse she could think of.

Amelia spent the day drinking, but the craving for pills wouldn't go away. She needed them. In New York, she would know where to go. But this was LA, and she didn't have a clue. And no doctor in their right mind would prescribe narcotics to a recovering addict. She decided she would ask around later that night.

Amelia was already drunk when she arrived at the bar. She started to drink and flirt with every man in the bar, hoping that one would have what she needed.

A young blonde girl eyed Amelia, who's hands were wrapped around the arm of a very muscular man. She strode over calmly before yelling at Amelia.

"Get your hands off my boyfriend, bitch!"

"Whatever," Amelia slurred. "If you could keep him satisfied, he wouldn't be over here with me." the girl pushed Amelia and she tumbled backwards. Amelia knew it would only get worse, so she stumbled out of the bar.

Walking down the street minutes later, Amelia felt a heel to the back of her knee. Amelia pushed her back and the girl followed up with a slap to the face. The two started yelling until flashing red and blue lights caught their attention.

Amelia thought about how badly she'd screwed up as she slipped into the back of a police car.


	5. Chapter 5: The Unknown Knight

_**I want to thank my new Beta-Reader Breakawayy. I will be re-uploading my entire story. So check out each chapter because Breakawayy did an amazing job. **_

_Chapter 5: The Unknown Knight_

Amelia stared at the phone. One short call. One big decision. Someone had to bail her out. Lucky there were no charges, but to whoever she called, protective custody due to intoxication was just as bad.

If she called Michelle, not only would there be a lecture, but her mother would get involved and Madison would find out.

Both Addison and Charlotte would force a meeting on her. Charlotte would probably quote the AA big book, which Amelia was definitely not in the mood for.

She really had no reason to call Pete, and even if she did, he would tell Violet, who would tell Cooper, who would tell Charlotte. So he was out.

She dialed quickly and bit her lip as the phone rang.

"Hello?" a man answered sleepily.

"Hey, Sheldon, it's Amelia."

"Amelia. You know what time it is, right?"

"Yeah.. but I need a favor."

"What?" he said, anxious to get back to sleep.

"I need a ride home."

"Bartender took your keys?" he guessed. Amelia's need for rides was becoming almost routine.

"No..."

"No?"

"I need you to pick me up at the police department."

"Amelia," he said, obviously disappointed. "I can't believe you got arrested—"

"Not arrested. Just.. protective custody for being.. slightly intoxicated. I'm not being charged, I just need to get out of this hellhole."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Sheldon." with that, she hung up the phone. She sat down to wait for Sheldon and saw the blonde girl from earlier in the night, picking a fight with an officer. Amelia kept thinking about how horrible of a mother she was, and how much she wanted pills. Soon enough, Sheldon arrived.

"I cannot thank you enough. I definitely owe you one," following him out, she bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry," she looked up and saw the blonde's boyfriend.

"No, my fault..." he trailed off when he recognized Amelia from the bar. "I'm sorry, for Amber. We're.. not together. We dated in college, I just moved back into town. I'm Jack Harper."

"Amelia." she held out her hand for him to shake and he took it and scribbled his number.

"I was talking to someone from work and she was a little jealous, I guess... Not that you care." he laughed a little, noticing the impatient look on Amelia's face. "Just one more question: the guy giving me the death stare, is that your boyfriend?"

"No." she replied positively. "Just my coworker, Sheldon."

"Good. Because I would fight any man just to have dinner with you."

Amelia looked at Sheldon's impatient expression. She smiled at Jack. "I have to get going." she waved and followed Sheldon out the door.

"Give me a call sometime!" he called after her.

"You know, you're probably one of the only people I know who can spend an hour in jail and still get someone's number."

"You think this is the only number I got?... Suzy really wants me to call her." she laughed as she got into the passenger seat of Sheldon's car.

Sheldon sighed. "So, do you wanna tell me what happened?"

Amelia recounted everything about the past couple days. Her fight with Michelle. Her call to Colin. Her confrontation with Michelle, Addison and Charlotte. Ending up at the police station. And finally, they arrived at her house.

"I have a friend," Sheldon started. "she's a therapist specializing in addiction. I'd like it if you'd take her number. You could just talk to her; you don't have to do anything you don't want to. But I also feel that you need help, whether you want it or not. And I think you do. You told me yourself, AA gave you a life, and now you have a lot to lose. A lot more than when you were a teenager. I want to help you, Amelia. You're not alone; we all care about you. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but please, let us help you."

"I'll think about it, Sheldon. Thanks for everything." she shut the car door and made her way into her house, actually considering taking the help she had been offered.

_**As always please leave a review. I will have chapter 6 up either tonight or tomorrow. Also thanks again to Breakawayy. **_


	6. Chapter 6: The Beginning

_**I want to thank my new Beta-Reader Breakawayy, who did a great job.**_

_Chapter 6: The Beginning _

When Amelia walked into her house, Michelle was asleep on the couch. Amelia ignored her presence and went straight the kitchen, pulling a bottle of vodka out of the freezer. After a couple shots, she went upstairs to take a shower. She came downstairs after getting dressed and Michelle was in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

"I admit, the way Addison, Charlotte and I ambushed you was a little.. harsh. Hostile. And I'm sorry." Michelle turned to look at Amelia who sat down at the kitchen table, trying not to make eye contact with Michelle. "I should've said something different. I should've told you that you're my little sister, and I love you. And I can barely breathe watching you do this to yourself, and I have no idea how to help you. I want to help you, though. I will do anything to help you."

"Don't worry about it, I have everything under control."

"Amy,"

"Sheldon has a friend who deals with addictions, I'm gonna talk to her."

"Wow, good for you." Michelle beamed and prodded her French toast with a spatula. "So for my birthday," Michelle changed the subject. "Hudson booked me two days at a spa. Do you wanna come? I honestly can't believe that he'd be into mud baths and mani-pedis.."

"Can't. I'm flying to New York for parent's weekend."

"That's great, Amelia. Will Colin be there?"

"I, don't now. I don't even think I want him to. He's using again; I don't want Maddie to see that."

"You can't even— I just don't think you're in a great position to judge. Maddie's smart. She'll know something's up with you."

"Can we please not do this now?"

"Fine, but this conversation isn't over." Michelle paused. "Do you want a ride to the practice? We have that meeting this afternoon,"

"No, I'm going to get a few more hours of sleep, then I'll be there."

"Sober?"

"Yes." Michelle gave her an unbelieving look. "I promise that there will not be a drop of alcohol in my system."

"Really?"

"Swear." Amelia held up her right hand. After finishing her toast, Michelle left. Amelia was stunned that her sister believed every word she said. And, after a night in jail, she knew how much a single phone call could get her. She picked up her phone and dialed.

"Hello?" her one night stand from almost a week ago answered sleepily.

"Hi, Hunter, it's Amy."

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

"I have this vague memory of you saying you had a friend, who could um, get his hands on some.. pills?"

"Yeah, my buddy Ryan. I think we could score something for you... What do you want?"

"Oxycodone."

"Ah, an Oxy girl. How much and when?"

"40 miligrams, 30 day minimum. Soon."

"Meet me at 12 at Powell Library. Across the quad from Royce Hall at UCLA."

"12. Great." Just knowing that she was able to get her hands on something made her feel a little better; breathe a little easier. Almost as soon as she set her phone down, it rang again.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sweetheart."

"Oh, hi Ma."

"I'm calling to confirm your plans for the weekend. I called last night but I kept getting voicemail,"

"Yeah, I know. I had a long day, I went to bed early."

"Really? Michelle said you weren't home last night.."

"I… was at my boyfriends. And I don't want to have this conversation."

"What's his name?"

"What?"

"The boyfriend. I'd like to know his name,"

"Jack. Jack Harper." Amelia fibbed and switched topics before she got herself caught up in a lie. "I'm on an American Airlines red-eye Tuesday night. I'll be there around seven a.m. Wednesday morning. I'm leaving Sunday afternoon and I'll be back in LA before dinner."

"Okay, good. Nancy and Kathleen are coming into the city for dinner on Wednesday."

"Great…" Amelia said sarcastically.

"Be nice, Amy. They're your sisters."

"I know, I know. Look, I don't really have time to talk. I have a bunch of stuff to do if I want to take four days off of work."

"I know the drill, I gave birth to five doctors." Carolyn chuckled.

"'Kay, I'll see you Wednesday."

"I love you, Amy. I'll see you soon."

"Love you too."

After stopping at the library Amelia arrived at the practice. She walked straight past her office and went to Michelle's.

"Hey," Michelle looked up from her computer.

"Can you still give me a ride to the airport tomorrow?"

"Yeah, do you need a ride in the morning?"

"No, I can hitch a ride with Addison."

"Okay. So, I was thinking, Instead of hanging out here, maybe we could go out and get dinner before your flight?"

"Your treat?" Amelia joked.

"Of course,"

"Sounds fine, then."

"Are you okay?" Michelle asked. "You just seem a little… different."

"Fine. Just, happy. Excited. God, can you believe she's 14?"

"They grow up so fast... So, have you talked to Sheldon yet?"

"Nah. I'll do it when I get back."

"Amy! Stop stalling. Go down the hall, get the number and stop acting like a damn idiot!"

"Wow, sensitivity. Lovely." Amelia rolled her eyes and strolled out of the office, slightly pissed that Michelle had killed her buzz. Not looking where she was going, she ran into Sheldon.

"Hey, just the girl I was looking for." he said with a twinkle in his eye. "This is my friend's card. I called her this morning. She doesn't have an opening, but as a personal favor to me, she said she'd fit you in. Give her a call." Sheldon smiled. Amelia took the card, only half listening to what he was saying.

She felt good. She knew that pills made her feel good. But she'd forgotten how good it was. She wondered why she ever stopped using. She took the card and shoved it in the back pocket of her dreams.

The day's meeting consisted mostly of tax forms and contracts. Things that, in reality, could have been done months ago. Amelia looked down, keeping her eyes on her own work.

What if Addison, Charlotte or Michelle could tell she was high? Charlotte would know. She would lose her job. Addison or Michelle would call her mom. Keep her from seeing Madison. She finished her paperwork quickly and bolted out the door. Addison's voice stopped her.

"You seem jumpy today. What's going on?"

"What? Nothing. Just, a lot on my mind. I don't have any patients, but I have to check that Dr. Kelley will still cover my patients if there's an emergency. I need to pack. And then there's the man whore drug addict that might show up in New York this weekend. And if he doesn't, I'll have to explain why. Stressed. Nothing for you to worry about."

"Alright, I'll admit you've got a lot," Addison said, not quite believing Amelia. She had seen Sheldon's car dropping Amelia off early in the morning.

**Please leave a review**


	7. Chapter 7:The Journey

**Chapter 7: The Journey **

Michelle watched as Addison followed Amelia out of the kitchen. She then follow and left the kitchen but instead of going towards the elevator she went and knocked on Sheldon's door. "I want to thank you for making my bull head little sister come to some sense. I don't know what you said to her or what happened last night but thank you. You have helped my entire family so thank you.", Still standing in the door frame.

"Anytime, I like Amelia she a good friend who in trouble and helping people in crisis is what I do." Sheldon, setting down the magazine he had been looking at. "And I am worried about her. I think this trip she taking can swing both ways it will either force to realize that she needs help or it will push her over the edge."

"I have faith that it will make her come to senses, once she see her daughter she will get the help she needs. A couple years ago after Colin fell off the wagon again she confides in me that the she believes the reason she stay clean for long was because of Maddie. You might have a hard time seeing it now but she is a great mom."

"No… I can see it Amelia has a large heart" Sheldon said smiling to himself "What Madison like?" Sheldon asked generally wanting to know more

"She is just like Amelia. She is fearless, funny and too smart for her own good. When she smiles she lights up the entire room just like Amy does" Laughing at a memory she had just remembered. "She idealizes her mother".

_It had been a long flight from Atlanta with two young children. Logan airport was crowded and busy and then they had the hardest time reading the subway map also known as the T._

"_Mish, I don't understand why we are going to visit your sister on our vacation. As he dragged the large family suitcase behind him as they left the subway station._

"_Because she my sister and missed her and my niece." as she pushed the stroller through the crowd. _

_After five minutes of walking "this is Amy's street." Michelle started down the street, "Honey what is the number again?" Soon they were in front of Amelia apartment building _

"_I wanna to push the button, I wanna push the button" Brett said jumping up and down barley able to contain his excitement. A few seconds Brett rang the bell Amelia silhouette appeared in doors window. _

"_Hi, how was your flight?" as she threw herself in to a bear hug with her sister. After greeting were exchanged "come on in." as soon as they got upstairs in to Amelia's two bedroom apartment that she shared with Colin, Brett asked " Aunty Amy where's Maddie" Amelia couched down to his level and replied "she at daycare but her Daddy just went to pick her up so she will be here any minute." Standing up she again she turned to her sister and said "we put in daycare so I can go to class and have a few hours of un-interrupted study time " she waved her hand at the kitchen table that was covered with books and her notes. Just then the door open and a four year old with dark brown hair and bright blue the spitting image of Amelia came running "mommy, mommy, mommy guess what I made today?" as Amelia scoped up the little girl in her arms. "What did you make Maddie?" Maddie showed a paper bag puppet of zebra "wow you made this?"_

"_Yup all by myself" _

"_You made this all by yourself?" _

"_Yup"_

"_You did such a good job!" as she put the little girl down._

"_Maddie go put your bag in your room" Colin told you daughter as he place a bag on the counter then he turned to Amelia and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Sorry we are late Ames, the store was a mad house." after a quick hi to the visitors Colin excused himself to go shower. _

"_Do you think the kids alright they are pretty quiet in there"_

"_Relax Shell; now let me see that new niece of mine"_

_Both of the sisters made their way over to couch to catch up. _

"_Mommy" Maddie said with an_ _authoritarian sounding voice as she came out of her bedroom carry a couple of children's sciences books "aren't you supposed to be studying right now!" _

"_I am but I study all afternoon, and my big sister is here and missed her so I want to talk with her." _

"_Do I get to talk to my big sister?" _

"_Maddie you don't have a big sister"_

"_Oh… but I want to study with you!" her face was welling up with tears _

"_How about we can do some studying after dinner and you can go play with your cousin Brett" Amelia offers in hopes of avoiding a break down. Maddie found the alternate plans acceptable and when to go play._

"_So Ames now that the men have going off and the children are quiet let's get back to my question are you going to marry Colin?" Michelle could clearly see the love between her sister and Colin. They made a cute little family_

"_I don't know plus it not like he asked me to or anything. We haven't even talked about marriage yet. Colin's got a good job at his parents company here in Boston, we able to provide a nice and stable life for Maddie, as we are so why would you change it. _

"_You know it kills mom that you are married right?"_

"_Yeah, but you forgot she cannot stand Colin. Hell she likes Addison even then she likes Colin. "Both sisters laughed at this _

_Michelle and Hudson were returning back to Amelia place after going out for drinking after Amelia and Colin offered to watch the kids for a few hours when Michelle opened the door she was greeted by one of the cutest sciences she ever seen. Amelia was sitting on the living floor with her books and notes spread out then right beside her was sitting Madison with her junior science books right besides mirroring Amelia's every move._

"_I hope the kids weren't any trouble tonight?" Hudson said moving pass Michelle _

"_No, they both crashed about ten minutes after you left; we put them in Maddie room if you would like to check on them." Colin answered then turning to Maddie "but speaking of kids in bed I think it time for this one to go to bed" _

"_Nope. Mommy and I are not done studying, and we have study hard because we are going to be doctors!" _

"_Well then Doctor Maddie I refer my question to Doctor Mommy" this made Maddie giggle "Doctor Mommy do think it time for Doctor Maddie to go to bed?" _

"_Wow! Will you look at that clock it is almost an hour past your bedtime. I think if this little girl wants to grow to be a doctor then her going to need a lot of sleep."_

"_Okay, fine "she said pointing her finger with and hold lot of sassy just like Amelia."But I want Daddy to read me a story!" _

"_Honey, Brett and Colleen are asleep in your room so I won't be able to." Colin breaking the news softly but I will read you two stories tomorrow" _

"_No, then I am not going to bed" _

_Amelia looked up a offered "how about just this once because it a special occasion if you go get ready for bed and you do what daddy tells you to do you can sleep in mommy and daddy's bed tonight." _

_Maddie was nodding her head feverish and was almost running out of the room till Colin said "go give mommy a kiss good night "Maddie when over a crawled in to Amelia's lap "I love you Mommy" and the kissed her on the check _

"_Good Night, I love you and I will see you tomorrow" _

_In the moment Michelle could see the mature and intelligent young women her sister grew up to be instead of a rebellious teenage drug addict that she once was. _

"Wow! In that story Colin seems like a good guy." Sheldon stated

"He is a great guy and father when he is clean" Michelle stated somberly

"So did Amelia ever marry Colin" Sheldon was eager to know.

"no, Colin Relapse about six months later, and Amelia kick him out, and moved down to Baltimore for her_Residency_ a few months after that. Amelia won't let Colin see Madison if he is using, but he been on cycle of getting clean then relapse for the last sixteen years.

After Amelia left the practice she got into her car and drove to the near pharmacy to pick up any genetic brand of ibuprofen. This was one of her old tricks that she used when she was a teenager, when she was hiding her pills from her mother she just hoped that it would work with the TSA.

As soon as Amelia goes home she popped a few more pills and then walked into the bathroom and pours it contents down the toilet. She then filled the bottled and put in her purse. When she finished packing her bag and tidying up she swallowed a few more pills, this times she chased them with vodka where she collapsed in front of the TV.

Amelia woke up the next on morning on her couch with someone pounding on her door. She popped a few more pills and then put the bottle back on the coffee table by. This now the person at the door let themselves in

"Amelia, are you ready to go because Sam has an early appointment…" Addison voice trailed off when she caught sight of Amelia still in her sweats.

"If it is a problem I can drive myself and drop my car off during lunch

"Why don't you go upstairs and get ready, I tell Sam to go ahead and I will wait." Amelia retreated upstairs confused she was expecting a lecture about responsibility. The fact that Amelia was not ready played right in to Addison plan this allowed her to search Amelia's house. Addison check all of Amelia old hiding spots but did not find anything that would have alarmed her any more then she already was .she knew something was off but she did not know what. When Addison finished her search she sat down on Amelia couch and waited. Not long after that Amelia came downstairs looking like the professional she was something that she had not look like in a long time, she as she walked over the Addison and grabs the bottle of Aspin and put in her purse.

"Are you ready to go?" Addison asked as she stood up from the couch.

"Yup" Amelia replied as she grabbed her bags and walked out the door

Amelia was sitting in her sister's car; she was so out of it she did not even notice her sister pulling in to long term parking at LAX. It was not till she saw Michelle pull out a bag of her trunk and start walking towards the airport did she begin to understand was going on.

"Shell, why do you have a bag with you?" As Amelia grabbed her bag and slammed the car door.

"Well I haven't seen Mom in a while, and then she mention that the Nancy and Kathleen were coming up for dinner I decided that I would join you on your journey to New York."

"Are you really coming because you miss our family or is it that you, Addison, and Charlotte think I need a babysitter?"

"I am going because I want to spend my birthday with my Mom and my Sisters!"

"I though Hud book you a weekend at a spa?"

"We re-booked."

Amelia was irritated that her sister was tagging along however in that every moment she was more anxious about passing though security. She made sure that her Doctor ID badge from St. Ambrose was right on top so if a TSA agent opened her bag it would be subjected to more in-depth search.

"What are you doing?" Michelle noticing Amelia was fumbling with her purse.

"I looking for my gum you know how ears get on planes"

Michelle accepted that answer. The line was moving quite quickly and before Amelia knew it was her turn at security. Amelia hoped that she looked calm and collected because on the inside she panicked. "What if they find her pills?" I should not have brought them with me" and other thought like that were racing in her mind but in the end she made it without any type of trouble.


	8. Chapter 8: The Homecoming

Chapter 8: The Homecoming

From the moment he entered the plane their eye met that sent spark waves though Amelia body. She knew that she should stay away from him but it every fiber in her body wanted him. She looked back and saw the disapproving look on her sister's face; she knew Michelle needs what she wanted to do. She fought the urge as long as possible till it got to be too much. She got up from her seat and on the way to the back of the plane she let her finger trace the length of his arm. Hoping that he got the message she primped in the mirror, until she heard a light knock on the door.

"Ames, it's been too long." Colin said lustily as he began to remove her clothing

"I know" as she kissed him. It felt good to have his hand on her again; she had missed Colin over the years. She knew why she stayed away, because it was for the good of their daughter. "Wait… wait Colin."

"What are you having second doubts about this mile high hook up? Because I _am_ loving seeing the old fun loving Ames again?" As he continued to kiss her and rub his hand across her body.

"No, your hands are spongy!" pushing him back.

"So… you don't want to have sex because I have spongy hands" colin laugh that lit up his sparking blue eyes that he had passed on to Maddie.

"No, spongy hands is a symptom of a pituitary tumor, you should see a doctor and have it checked out when we land." Amelia revealed, as she went into doctor mode.

"I promise that I will get looked … okay" resuming where he left off.

Amelia staggered back to her seat her, passing the disapproving glare of her sister, and took her seat as the seatbelt light was turned on for the planes landing in New York. Once the plane landed Michelle hurried to baggage claim. Amelia knew that her sister was trying to get her away from Colin. However Colin was once a few steps behind then.

As Colin strolled up to the waiting line he and joined the sisters. "Hey Ames, Michelle, that was a good flight don't you think so?"

Michelle took one look at Colin's greasy hair, bright red eyes, and pale skin. " I see you were able to clear your _busy_ schedule"

"Michelle, oh how I missed you "

"Alright … can we just grab are bags and go. " Amelia said in an angry tone. She was starting to get the itch and knew that she needed to get high again.

"Ames do you want to drive up state together or what?"

"Why not how much harm can that cause." Just then the bag carousel began to move. The three made moves to find their bags. "Look I'll pick you up around nine tomorrow at your mom's so be ready and see a doctor" as they bid each other good bye.

Once Amelia and Michelle claimed they bags and started their way out of JFK Michelle asked "where is Ma meeting us?"

"Home" Amelia replied as she tried to navigate the busy airport, she was trying to find the rent a car place.

"Why isn't she meeting us?" Michelle wondered out loud, maybe Amy had a secret plan to meet up with Colin and continue her downward spiral.

"You mean beside the fact that it is seven in the morning?"

"Yes… this is Ma we are speaking of. The women you waited at Grand Central Station all night once because Derek's train was delayed when he was coming home from Bowdoin. "

"Well, Derek is the golden child and she is a lot older." Amelia stated as a matter of fact.

"Derek maybe the golden child but you are the baby my dear sister and Ma feels like she needs to protect you from the big bad world." Michelle said mocking her younger sister "and where are we going the exit right there."

"I need to rent a car I not taking a three hour taxi ride up state."

After what felt like forever eternally at the rent car place they were own their mother house in Brooklyn. The car ride across to their old neighborhood was silence. Michelle was trying to figure out what was going on with her sister.

As Amelia pulled to her mother's house in Cypress Hill it looked exactly the same as it had looked as it had as when she was growing up. The yellow row house that her father bought after her returned from the war. There were some fond memories for Amelia in this house. It was where Madison had taking her first steps, spoke her first words, and where Amelia vowed too never relapse again. The feeling of guilt began to rise in Amelia once more and only got stronger once her Mother appeared in the door way to welcome her two daughters' home.

"You girls are just in time," as she pull each one of her daughters in too a deep bear hug " I just remove some donut muffins from the stove so they are nice and warm."

"Ah, Ma you didn't have to bake for us," Michelle joked as she place her suitcase in the hallway "we are both doctors we know how fend for are selves"

Amelia barely heard her mother asking her if she would like a cup of coffee. Her mind was on one thing and one thing only and that was getting her next high.

"Amy, I asked if you would like some coffee" her mother asked again in a concerned voice. She knew that her youngest daughter never let a chance of a cup of coffee slip out of her hands.

"Yeah… Ma, I am just going go and freshen up first long flight you know" as she exited the kitchen she made a small pit stop to grab her pills from her purse and headed in to the small downstairs bathroom.

"I was asking your sister how your flight was." As Amelia re-entered the kitchen.

"It was fine" Amelia answered as she poured herself a cup of coffee and grabbing a muffin.

"It was better for some then others right Ames" Michelle answered implying of Amelia and Colin's mile high hook up.

"Shut up"

"What do you mean it was better for some Michelle?" Carolyn questioned her daughter. But before Michelle could response Amelia cut in.

"She just means that I was able to get some sleep on the plane while somebody got stuck next to chatty Kathy from Minnesota telling her all about the annual snow fall."

After the three Shepherd women finished their breakfast Amelia excused herself to go lie down for a couple of hours leaving her mother and sister to have a deep and meaningful discussion about what exactly was going on with the youngest shepherd sister. Amelia went upstairs to her old bedroom and was not surprised to see that nothing had changed since she moved out. The blue paint on the walls had faded but everything was same. She walked over to her desk and picked up a photo of her and Madison that was taken on her daughters first birthday. She looked so happy in the photo with her daughter. Staring at the photo she fell in to her old bed and but before she passed out she wondered out loud "I really screwed up again, didn't I kid?"


	9. Chapter 9: The Welcoming Committee

Chapter 9: The Welcoming Committee

**So I don't own **_**Private Practice**_**, just putting that out there so I don't get sue. Here is the next chapter and it is a long one. As always please review. **

A couple hours later Amelia stumbled downstairs after her nap and wondered in to the kitchen, where she found her mother baking. Her mother turned around and greeted her "good afternoon, how was your nap?"

"Fine, what are you baking?" Amelia asked she stuck her finger into the bowel that was filled with chocolate batter.

"get you finger out," as Carolyn playfully batted her youngest daughter's finger away, "I am baking a cake for Michelle's birthday, I miss baking cakes for you kids, now that you are all grown up and have families of your own."

"Ma, you mailed me a cake, the last five years on my birthday!" not believing what she was hearing, "I also going guess you mail cakes to the others?" nagging her mother.

"it's not the same, I miss you kids coming home and telling me about your days and your problems, Carolyn said, choosing her next few words every carefully, "so do have anything you want to talk about?"

In that moment Amelia thought about coming clean about everything, to her mother about the suspension, the drinking, and the pills. Her mother was always a source of strength for her. She had been there when ever Amelia needed her. Her mother comforted her during the nights that Amelia just wanted to give into the craving or die. Amelia knew that she needs help, she needs a lot of help, but in the end the fear of getting clean is just too much for her to ask for it. As much as she hated lying to her mother that is what exactly what she decide to do. "Nope… I'm fine"

"Amelia Margaret … I can see you are not fine it is in your eyes, you are struggling with something" Carolyn said in that harsh maternal tone, that made Amelia want to confess everything. "Sweetie, I can help you, but I you need to talk to me, Michelle told me that you were having a hard time. I know it was hard on you after Derek got shot, because of what happened to Dad. It must have brought back a lot of painful memories. I know that we haven't talked a lot about what happened to Daddy…"

"Fine, I'm having a tough time but I am seeing someone back in Los Angles. Okay I am seeing a professional are you happy now! " Raising her voice to her mother "I know that I am the family disappointment! I know that I am the weakling the one that everybody must protect. Everybody needs to protect Amelia. Watch out Hurricane Amelia is about to strike, and she destroys everything in her path"

"Are you done?" her mother asks patiently. Having raised five kids plus Mark Sloan Carolyn knows that sometimes the best thing she could do for her children was just be there, someone for them to take they frustration out on. She knew how to get each one of her children to reach that point where they will bare their souls to and how to help them figure out what ever needed figure out. With Derek it was space, and reminded to think in color and not just black and white. Kathleen needed someone to sit down and talk the problem out. Amelia was a little harder. She needs to be babied with being babied. She needs space just like Derek but she also need someone is there to talk to just like Kathleen, and pushed to discuss her feeling, and put her feelings in perceptive. But what her little girl needed the most was that she knew that someone was always there for her and she was safe.

"I am glad that you are seeking some help, but don't you think that for one minute that I am anything but proud of you and everything you accomplished…"

"Whatever you know that I am the family disappointment and I will never be like them with their expectations and goals," screamed Amelia as she stood up from the stool at counter where she sitting and began pacing the kitchen rubbing her hands through her hair.

"I think you should go take a walk and cool down before your sisters get here. I believe there is a NA meeting just around the corner at St. Mathew's." Carolyn replied in that calm and _authoritarian_ voice that only a mother could provide. Carolyn also knew that there was a meeting at St. Mathew's that started in fifteen minutes. While her fifteen year old was in rehab, Carolyn read up every piece of literature about addiction she could get her hands on, as well as keeping an up to date list of all the NA and AA meeting in the area.

"Fine" Amelia replied with every ounce of defiance and stubbiness she had when she was a teenager, turned her back and walked out the back door letting it slam shut behind her.

"God help that child" Carolyn whisper to herself.

A few seconds later a voice rang through the hall "Ma what is with all the yelling." As her eldest daughter walked in to the kitchen and mirrored Amelia by sticking her finger into the chocolate batter.

"Amy is just going through something and is have a rough time" only vaguely touching the surface of the issues that are surrounding Amelia.

"Hello" Kathleen greets her sister and mother.

"Hey" Michelle giddily greets her sisters has she came into the kitchen after hearing the backdoor slam shut

"So I take it that 'Hurricane Amelia' is back." Nancy says jesting with her sisters

"I wish you girls would stop referring to Amy as 'Hurricane Amelia', it is more damaging to her then you think." Remembering the conversation she had with Amelia.

"As the shrink in the family I agree" Kathleen said boosting herself up "the negative _aspects of a nickname like 'Hurricane Amelia' and have huge ramifications on herself worth and self-esteem." The two other Shepherd sister just rolled their eyes, either of the two never put much stock in to psych. "plus she is most likely not over what happened to Dad, Derek getting shot would have been a huge trigger for her."_

_"Dad died over twenty- four years ago." Nancy stated as a matter of fact "she should have come to terms with his death by now."_

_"That what I am saying. She was five years old when she witnessed Dad's murder, Derek was fourteen, Shell you were twelve and Nancy you were seventeen. The developmental growth and understanding is huge." Kathleen sensing that she not making an impact on Nancy's way of thinking "don't forget the post-traumatic stress disorder, which led to her developing poor coping skills"._

"okay…okay we don't need to reopen that can of worms today," Carolyn said stepping in-between her daughters before a argument could be begin "what we need to do is to united as a family and let Amy know that we love and support her and want her to get some help. The key in this situation is not to blame or embarrass her."

While her sisters and mother discuss the best to confront her back at home, Amelia had found herself standing outside of the rec hall of St. Matthew's Church. She watched as a few people wondered into the hall, Amelia knew she was in need of a meeting. However she just turned her back and walked away. She began to roam her old neighborhood Cypress Hill; like how she would wonder when she was a teenager, when she was looking for a score or after a fight with her mother. She doesn't remember how she ended up at her door or why, but she knocks on the door any way.

A few seconds later Amelia sees the tall shadowy outline of a man "Hello, gorgeous," Colin says after he opens the door "back so soon?"

"Are you going let me in or what?" Amelia whispered in a sexy voice, Colin stepped aside "are your parents home?"

"Yeah my Mom is out back and my Dad is in the office. So let's go to my room" not another word is spoken until they reach Colin's old bedroom.

"This is just like the old times" Amelia said remembering the good times she spend in this room. The days when she and Colin were not only on good terms but were also best friends. Amelia and Colin meet in a recovery program for teenagers. Both of their parents had encouraged the friendship, they all believe that having a friend in recovery would do both teens some good. However roughly a year after the friendship began Colin relapsed for the first time unfortunately it was the same time Amelia found out she was pregnant. Colin refused treatment until Amelia told him that she was carrying his child.

"This room does hold a lot of good memories for us, huh Ames"

"It sure does"

"Like the time we made Maddie" as Colin slowly pushed Amelia back on the bed.

"The best thing we ever did" Amelia did as she pulled down and kissed him.

Amelia watch Colin as he pulled on his boxers

"I need a pick me up" Amelia stated

Colin sliding back into the bed "already we just finished, I don't know if I can go for round three, right now."

"No I mean I need a pick me up"

"Oh you are looking for some party favors!" exclaimed Colin; he looked like a schoolboy when the teacher's pet got in trouble. "What happen to clean and sober Amy? Has she seen the better way." He was enjoying teasing Amelia about her new drug use.

"Come on, are you holding any" Amelia was now getting frustrated at being mocked as Colin just chuckled "do you have anything or not?"

"Of course I do babe, just give me a few seconds of basking in the glory of this moment." As he rolled out the bed and headed over to his jacket that was hanging on the back of his bedroom door. "I picked these up soon after I left the airport. How do you would like them? In pill form, snorted, smoked on injected?" he asked as he returned to her side

"I take it in pill as I have to go out to dinner with my sisters and Mom in a few hours" she said as she placed three pills on her tongue and reached for the bottle of water right next to the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"Most likely Gritty's" Amelia replied knowing that was the family restaurant. They didn't own or anything but whenever the family went out they went to Gritty's

The pills kicked in soon, they just laid on the bed staring at the walls, until Colin cell phone beep. Colin rose from the bed and began searching the room from it. Amelia rolled over a caught a glimpse of Colin's Amelia clock. Seeing the time

"I should get going"

"No, you should stay and blow off your family" as he tackled Amelia back into the bed

As Amelia pushed him off "you know I can't plus we have the whole weekend, do you still want a ride together?" she asked as she began to redress "Because I was reading the newsletter, and the school is having a welcome meeting for parents at 9:30,and then you follow your kid around for the day. You know sitting in on their classes and meeting their teachers. I am planning on going to it. But in order to make it I have to on leaving about 5:30"

"That's fine I will see you around then beautiful."

Amelia stood at her Mother's door for a second. She need to brace for herself for the full frontal attack from her sister. She knew that Nancy and Kathleen had arrived due to the two extra cars that were parked out front. She placed her hand on the door knob and opened the door. Her plan was to try to sneak up the stairs and into the shower before any of her sister or mother notice, however she was not so lucky. As soon as she open the door,

"Ah look who home!" Nancy yelled out as she walked over and gave her little sister a hug. "Somebody has sex, who the mystery man?" Amelia just rolled her eyes and walk passed Nancy. After greeting Kathleen she may her way upstairs to shower.

"Don't take too long because we want to head out soon" Nancy said as her bossy older sister side took over. As Amelia climbed the stairs she thought "this is going to be a long night"

Soon after the Shepherd girls arrived at the restaurant they were seated, the waitress took their drink order. Nancy was the first to order "I will have a Merlot."

"I will have the same" Kathleen said as she close the menu

Michelle was next to order "I will have a Shipyard."

"I will have whatever have on you have on tap" the twenty-five years that Carolyn spent in Navy had made her a beer drinker.

When it was Amelia's turn to order all eyes were on her. Everyone at the table expected her to order an alcoholic drink "I have an iced tea, thank you" the look on her face may her laugh herself, she knew what they were expecting to order a drink, but were shocked at her order.

"Is that Mrs. Roberts, I have not seen her for ages!" Carolyn exclaimed as she got up from the table, after the waitress took the food order and served the drinks. Seeing her mother leave the table caused Amelia to worry, with her at the table, Amelia was safe from her sisters' attacks, she had an ally at the table. Her mother always protected her from her siblings' attacks, one the benefits of being the youngest.

Nancy look over her shoulder and saw that her mother was in deep conversation with Mrs. Roberts "So I don't know about you girls but I want to know who gave Amy sex hair"

Amelia rolled her eyes in annoyance "I am not talking about this no matter how hard you try."

"Was it Colin?" Michelle eagerly asked.

"Why do you think it was Colin?" Kathleen asked in a concerned voice "Amy has been with Colin in like eight years"

"Wrong she and Colin had a mile high hook-up and I'm going to guess they went for a round two" Michelle informed her sisters

"No way, she would not do that" Kathleen did not believe what she was hearing

"Really" Nancy asked she was always the one who loved to gossip Amelia "what persuade her to have sex with Colin. As the three formed some sort of clique from high school.

"The 'she' you three are talking about is sitting right here and is not talking about it." Amelia said with in annoyed tone.

"Amy do you really that it is wise for you to be sleeping with Colin again giving everything that you are going through right now, Michelle told us that you lost your surgical privileges, we are worried about you, we just want to help you, is there anything you want to talk about." Amelia could sense that because Kathy was the psychiatrist, she was elected to lead this little talk but in that moment she was saved as her mother rejoined the group.

"What are you girls taking about?" Her mother asked as her took a slip of her beer.

"Kids," Amelia seized the opportunity to take control of the conversation" I was just saying that we have to leave the house around five in the morning tomorrow, that is if you are still coming with me?"

"You think I would pass up a chance to see one of my grandchildren?" Carolyn said as the food as placed on the table. Any conversation about Colin or addiction was tabled.

After the food was devoured the Shepherd girls returned home to enjoy the cake that Carolyn had baked that afternoon. Mid-way through her slice cake she knew that she need another hit of anything and she needed it soon. Finishing her cake she excused herself and went to get ready for bed.

After changing into her pajamas laid on her she kept looking at the photo of her and Maddie. It was taken when soon after they moved into their condo, in fact it was after Amelia's first shift as an intern, she had just come off a seventy-two hour shift and she looked exhausted but she was happy. She remember not having a clue on how she as going raise her daughter as a single mother, working crazy hours. Lucky Colin's parents offered to help Amelia in any way that they could, much meant she could afford a to pay for nanny to help her out, something that she would have never been able to afford on her interns salary.

Just then there was a knock on her door. "Come in"

Her mother poked her head into the room "just wanted to say good night, and to finish the conversation that we didn't get to finish this afternoon."

"Ma!" Amelia did not want to get into any long conversation due to the fact that the pills she just took would kick in soon and she would become a zombie.

"No, Amelia you listen to me because I am your mother" in a stern voice that her mother would use to scold her as a child. "As I was saying earlier I am extremely proud of you and everything that you have accomplished. I will never stop. You have a hard life there is no question about that, that has lead you to make some poor decisions in life, but that does not mean I love you any less then I do you siblings, or that you are not worthy of a great life. You my child are one of the strongest people I have ever known, and I am proud to be your mother." As she continued Amelia could see a tear forming in her mother's eyes, "I don't think you remember this because you were so young at the time but after Daddy died I became really depressed. My mother and sisters tried to help me; they must have brought six different priests to the house or something like they tried everything but no one could help me, until one day when you came home school. Your Grandma was trying to kept all you kids quiet and away from my bedroom because I as lying down, but somehow you slipped passed her and into my bedroom. You crawled in bed and cuddle with me, and said 'everything going be okay, Daddy and Jesus are watching us. And making sure that we are helping each other' Then you took a minute and then revised your statement 'well not all the time, because Daddy watching the Yankees, but during the commercials he is switches the channel to make sure we are okay.' I don't know why but out of all people that told me it was going to okay I didn't believe any of them but when you Amy told me, I believed that we would be okay. And I know you are not okay, and you need us Amy, we can get through anything if we stick together, let us help you." With that she rose from the bed and before she exited the room and closed the door she said "Good Night, I love you, and I will see you tomorrow."


	10. Chapter 10:The Reunion

**Sorry for the long wait for the next chapter… but her it is. **

**Chapter 10: The reunion **

After what felt like an eternally in the car, they finally reached Madison's school. About five minutes into their three and a half hour car ride Amelia realized that spending three and half hours in the car with her Mother and Colin was a horrible ... horrible idea. She also had no idea how she was going to survive the weekend, with her mother and Colin. After parking the car in the lot all three of them got out of the car a stretched.

"I wish you wouldn't drive so fast Amelia we had plenty of time" her mother said as she put on her jacket. Amelia had sped the whole way just so she could get out of that damn car. After the three had stretched and put on their jackets due to the cool September air "what is the plan for meeting up with Maddie, Ames" Colin asked.

"We are supposed to check in at Peterson hall and get our registration packets." As she turned and began following the signs that were posted to help led the way to Peterson hall. The three walk in silence until they reach the sign in booth. The blonde woman at the booth was extra perky and cheerful, which in Amelia eyes should be against the law due to the early hour.

"Good morning and welcome," as she looked up and greeted the trio "which one of our students are you to see?"

"Madison Shepherd" Amelia responded in a flat tone.

"It's so nice that when the older siblings can come and support the younger ones." As the blonde lady gathered the visitor's passes and the registration packets and positioning the file in front of Carolyn.

"Actually I am Madison's Mother." Amelia said stepping up and taking the file out of the women's hand and with that turning and walked away.

Once Carolyn had caught up with Amelia, "well that was rude."

"Well it's was the truth, I sick of people thinking that I am her sister"

The three adults continued down the hall that Carolyn and Colin were directed to follow after Amelia had stormed off.

"The lady at the welcoming desk said that Maddie is waiting for us in this room." Colin said as he over took Amelia as the leader of the group and pushed the solid wood door open. Once the three were in the room Amelia handed out the visitors badges to their look group. She began to scan the room looking for her daughter over the sea of young girls. After a minute of searching she found her. She smiled to herself at how much Maddie was like her, she was in the middle of telling a story, swing her arms and hands wildly to help make her point, and that had a large group of girl doubled over in laugher. Amelia just watched her daughter in amazement until Madison spotted them. Her broke away from her group of friends and hurried over to greet her parents.

"You both made it!" Maddie exclaimed as she pulled away from giving her mother a hug to hug her father.

"Did you ever doubt we wouldn't, kid?" Amelia responded she was still in amazed at her daughter she forgot how beautiful she was.

The morning meeting dragged on what was in reality only fifteen minutes felt like an hour to Amelia. Once the meeting was over the quartette stood up.

"Where are we heading now, kid" Amelia asked as she bent down to pick up her purse.

"I have math with Mrs. Butler." Maddie answered as she led the group through the crowded hall.

Madison was glad to have both of her parents on campus even if her father as high. She was use to this behavior from him. She didn't like it but she was used to it. But something was off with her Mother, but she could not put her finger on it. All through the day Maddie watched as her mother joked and flirted with her father, something she never did when her dad was using, and she was short and was irritable with her grandmother and almost everyone else. Her mother never put up with her father when he was using.

Michelle wonder around her mother's empty house, being one of five this was rarity growing up. Just after settling in the living to room to read the silence is interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing, before answering her phone she glances at the caller ID.

"Hey Addie! How is everything going" Michelle answer as her flicks through and old magazine

"Fine, I was just at Amelia's house getting the mail when I saw something interesting."

"What did you find" Addison could hear the concern pouring out of Michelle's voice

"It was a letter from the LA police department. I mean it could be anything right? I mean we would know if Amelia got arrested right? She would have called one us right"

Michelle took a minute to think about the information that Addison just told her "Lately, I'm not too sure of anything right now."

"Yeah…me too." And with that Addison got off the phone. Michelle scrolled down the list of names that were in her phone until she found her mother's name and press send to all her Mother to inform her of the lasted development.

As Amelia walked away she her mother's phone, she had just excused herself from the group to go the bathroom. Once inside the bathroom she found herself alone and caught a glance of herself in the mirror. She looks terrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was waxy and ill shade of pale.

"Come on Amelia pull yourself together, only two more days of this hell. You can do this." As she gave herself a pep talk she pulled out her Aspin bottle that contained her pills out of her bag. After she took a couple of pills, she took one more look and the mirror and said "You don't deserve her.", to herself and walked out of the bathroom.

Madison watched as her mother ended her phone call and walked back over to her. It was just the two of them because her father was flirting with some women.

"Grandma I think I know what is wrong with my Mom, why she is acting so strange, and looks terrible." She stops to look at her Grandmother who looks like she is lost for words before she ask the question she has on her mind.

"Grandma, is my Mom doing drugs again?"


	11. Chapter 11: The Confrontation

**Hey, sorry for the delay in updating but I am working two jobs so it was hard to find time to write and update. I hope to update more often after Christmas. Please read and review**

As Carolyn sat in the back of Amelia's rental car, she kept relaying the question that Maddie had asked on Friday afternoon. The way that Maddie had looks when she asked "Grandma is my Mom doing drugs again?" broke her heart. She did not know how to answer Maddie, she didn't have any concrete proof the Amelia was doing drugs again, but it would have make sense if she was given her behavior lately. So in the end Carolyn decided to give the most honest answer she could. "I don't know sweetie." However, she promised herself that she would get to the bottom of what was going on with Amelia by the time Amelia when back home, which didn't give her a lot of time, Since she was due to fly out in a couple of hours.

Once they had dropped Colin off at his parents' house they headed home. Carolyn knew that she had to be delicate in this situation however, delicacy was never she strong point she was straight to the point just like Amelia. Before Carolyn knew it Amelia was pulling into her driveway. Carolyn recognized the two cars parked out front as Nancy's and Kathleen's. She knew what she needed to do and it would be easier on Amelia if her sisters where not around.

"Sweetie, do mind bring my bag up to my room for me" Carolyn asked Amelia once they got inside.

"Sure" Amelia answered as she bends down to pick up her mother's bag and headed upstairs. Carolyn then headed into the family room to tell her older daughters to leave.

Amelia entered her mother's bedroom and placed the overnight bag on her mother's bed and just as she turned and was about to exit the room something caught her eye on her mother's dresser. She moved closer to take a look at it. It was her father's watch. When she was younger the watch always brought her comfort for some stranger reason it calmed her for some reason. She picked it up to take a closer look, after looking at for a few seconds she put it down. As she left the room to rejoin mother and her sisters in the kitchen she popped a couple the last of her pills. She knew that she needs to go out and find some more before it got too late.

"Hey Ma, I was thinking of extending my stay for a few extra days, because Colin has a doctor appointment and wants me there if that okay with you?" As she entered the kitchen, she was taken back for a second due to the fact that she was expecting the room to be filled with her sisters and not just her mother.

"Amelia, sit down we need to talk." Carolyn said in her authoritarian voice.

"You don't want to talk, you want to lecture and frankly I am in no mood for it." Amelia answers back as turn and begin to leave the room.

"Amelia, I mean it sit down." As she rose her voice, as Amelia sat down Carolyn took a breath to center herself, this was not a conversation she wanted to have angry. "Amy, darling are you using drugs again?"

"What! How could you even think that? I am clean! I have been clean for fifteen years, how dare you even think of asking me that question!" Amelia stood up quickly knocking over her chair in the process.

"I know about the arrest." Carolyn stated as she lowered her voice.

"What arrest?" Amelia felt like she was being backed into a corner.

"Addie called and said that you had a letter from the LAPD waiting for you at your house."

"That doesn't prove anything!" as she started to head out the back door.

"Madison knows that are using again!"

"She is a child and doesn't know what she is talking about."

"She is a smart girl just like you and she knows the symptoms of drug use from her Father. Amelia, you are in trouble, I want to help you.

"Well, if this is trouble, you should try it." Amelia stated flatly and made her way closer to the door.

"I'm worried about you, and I love and I'm your Mother I and I am supposed look after you."

"Well consider yourself off the hook." As Amelia walked out the door letting it slam shut in the process. The slamming of the door made an eerily echo throughout the empty house. Carolyn knew for sure that Amelia had relapsed and was using again. As a nurse Carolyn knew that relapses were part of the disease of addiction but she had prayed that it would never happen to Amelia. She just sat at the kitchen table and cried, because Amelia was lost at sea and did not want her help.

Carolyn didn't know how long she was she sat at her kitchen table and cried, but when she heard the sound of her front door opening and her three oldest daughters shuffle in, she stood up and quickly tried to dry her eyes, before they notice. However her attempts failed her, Kathleen was the first to notice her mother red eyes.

"Ma, what is wrong?" Kathleen asked with concern however she had a feeling that it had to do with Amelia and her downward spiral.

Carolyn took a deep breath and replied "Amy is using drugs again" in a somber voice, "she denied it but I know she is." Carolyn looked around the room and saw the stunned faces of her daughters. "Look we always knew that it was a possibility that Amy could relapse. As much as we hoped and prayed that she won't by but it is part of her disease.

Michelle was the most visibility shaken. Stunned she muttered "how could I not know, I see her almost every day, why didn't she come to me, I could have helped her."

Carolyn stride over to her daughter "oh sweetie it is not your fault you didn't know because she didn't want you to know. I didn't even know until Madison until mentioned something."

The group of women just stood in silence wondering how to help Amelia.


	12. Chapter 12

A few days later Amelia found herself sitting in a hospital waiting room. She was nervously looking down at her phone. She was about was about to make one of the hardest room calls of her life, she had to call Maddie and tell her that her father had a brain tumor, but for the life of her she did not know how to do. After a couple of minutes of just staring blankly at her phone she was able to pluck up enough courage made dial her daughter's number.

"Hello." Her daughter answer the phone and her young and innocent voice that made Amelia want to protect her daughter from anything that might cause her pain.

"Hey, sweetie it's mom." After taking a deep breathe "we need to talk. It's important."

"Are you calling me to tell me that you are going to rehab, because you are using again?

"No."

"Then I don't want to talk with you, mother." Maddie's voice as filled with teenage angst and anger.

"Madison, listen to me, we need to talk about your dad.

"Is he going to rehab again?"

"No."

"Then I don't care! I don't want to talk about you or dad, no make that see you or him until you are both clean and sober!" with that Maddie hung up the phone. Amelia quickly dialed her daughter back "Madison Amelia, don't you ever hang up on me again! You have no right to talk to me like that again. I'm still your mother!" Amelia said rising her voice, "and you will treat me with the respect that you deserve.

"You don't get my respect when you are using" once again hanging up the phone on her mother. Amelia angrily pushed send on her phone.

"What do you want? I have already said what I had to say?"

"Well I didn't! This is not the way I wanted to tell you." Amelia said also yelling at her daughter. Amelia took second and calmed herself. "Your father is in the hospital."

"Why did he overdose again?"

"No" Amelia said remembering the late night when she received a phone call from the Boston police telling her that Colin had overdose. She had bundled up Maddie who was asleep that the time and rushed to the hospital and spent the rest of the night in a hospital.

"No sweetie, he has pituitary tumor and he needs to have surgery. Which I should mention is tomorrow. I thought that maybe you would like to see him before he goes in to surgery."

"Is this surgery risky?" Amelia could hear the change in the change in Madison's voice from angry teenager to scary little girl.

"Well with any brain surgery there are risks but this a fairly simple surgery."

"Is this the reason why you acting weird this weekend?"

Without even thinking Amelia answered "yes"

"Why didn't you tell me when you both up here?"

"We didn't want to alarm you until your Dad went to the doctors and the test confirmed it. Honey I know that you are scarce, but I want you to know that it going to be okay. So I am going to see if Grandma can pick you up, okay?"

"Yeah"

" if Grandma can't pick you up, I will, But one of us will so in the mean time I want you to pack a back for a couple of days, it's a long drive so I want you ready to go."

"Okay"

"And don't forget your homework and books."

"Okay I won't"

"I love you kid"

"I love you too Mom."

After she got off the phone with Madison she called the school to let them know of the situation. But once she got off of the phone she looked in

To Colin's private room that was being paid for by his parents.

"Any word on if Madison is coming down? Colin asked eagerly

"Yeah just got off the phone with her. I about to head over to my mother's right now." As she crossed the room to Colin's jacket and took a couple of pills and downs them as an intern comes in the room.

"You got a battle plan? Colin asked knowing about the recent fight between Amelia and her mother. "Do you know what you are doing" Colin snapped at the intern after he missed the vein

Amelia got up out if the chair she had just sat down in walked over the intern and took the IV line out of the intern's hands.

"Ah… you can't do that." The intern stated out loud not quite sure of what was going on.

"I have a medical degree from Harvard, did my residency at Johns Hopkins and my fellowship with Dr. Geraldine Ginsberg, which means I can do this as she put in Colin's IV.

"So far my only battle plan is to go in begging on hands and knees; because it clears I can't leave you alone for too long. As she glared at the Intern as he left the room. She grabbed he coat and kiss Colin on the check.

Once Amelia reached her Mother's she took a second to collect herself.

When Carolyn heard her front door she stopped tiding up her living room. The living room didn't need to be clean but she knew she had to keep busy or else she would go out of her mind with worry. When she got in to her front hall, she was able to get a good view of Amelia as she took off her coat. Carolyn was shocked at Amelia's appearance; Amelia had deteriorated fast since the last time Carolyn had saw her on Sunday. Carolyn noticed the dark bags under her daughters eyes, her skins was place and waxy, and her hair was greasy and unkempt.

"Amelia!" Carolyn stated in her maternal tone "where have you been we have been, you having been answering your phone, we have been worry sick!"

"Relax Ma, I fine, but I have been a little busy, I have been dealing with a lot." Amelia was now getting frustrated that her mother was going to badger her about her drug uses. "Ma, I need a favor?"

"Amelia, I am sorry but I will not do you a favor while you are using, I am sorry but I will not help you kill yourself, but if you want me to help get clean then I will gladly help you."

"Ma, I just need one favor!"

"I'm sorry Amelia but no!"

Amelia was now getting desperate "Ma it not even for me it for Madison!" hoping that this would get thru to her mother. "Please, I just need your help!" Amelia said almost breaking down.

"What it is" Carolyn asked even though she knew better.

"I need to you to go pick up Madison from school because Colin is having brain surgery tomorrow and I need you to go pick her up from school. Please Ma I wouldn't ask unless it was important. Please Ma I need you to do this for me.

"Alright, I will go pick up Maddie, but I knew you to know that I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for your daughter. But I want you to know that if you kill yourself you will destroy her and she won't be able to forgive you. And while I am gone I want you to really think about what you are throwing away"


	13. Chapter 13

**I want to thank everyone for their reviews. Sorry for the long period between updates. I do have a new job so I was adjusting to that. But one of perks of my new job is that I have time to write while at work so I might post a little more often but now promises on that front. **

**Caseyjr had a question about the shepherd sibling's ages so I my story Nancy is 43, Kate is 41, Derek is 39, Michelle just turned 36 and Amelia is 29. Hope that answers you questions I do have a lot planned so just keep reading. If you guys have any questions just leave them in the reviews. Also speaking of reviews please review, I love reading what you guys have to say. Also reviews force me to write so more review and most likely a quicker update Thanks. Enjoy!**

About seven hours later Amelia was sitting in the hospital waiting room sipping the bad hospital coffee that she got from the vending machine. Madison had just come out her father's room and found the farthest seat away from her mother. Madison was doing her best to ignore her mother, which was extremely hurtful to Amelia. Whenever her daughter was hurt or scared she was always able to offer comfort her. Amelia decided that she needs to take action and do something about it. Amelia got up and walked over and sat down next to Maddie.

"Do you have any question you would like me answer about tomorrow? Seeing as I know a thing or two about the surgery. "Amelia asked hoping to open the lines of communications.

"No" Maddie answered turning away from her mother

"What do I have to do for you to talk to me again?" Amelia asked the question even though she knew the answer already

"Stop doing drugs and get some help"

"I am not using Madison, look at me I swear to you I am not using"

"You are lying" Madison replied, giving her mother a hard stared

After a minute of Madison staring at her Amelia gave in.

"Your right I was. I slipped, but I have stopped am I getting clean, okay you have to believe me, sweetie."

"I don't"

"Fine don't believe me" as she got up and walked back to her original seat and sat down.

The guilt was over whelming she had never out right lied to her daughter of course of the years there had been some small white lies and when she was covering for Colin , but she never out right lied to her daughter before. She did not like the feeling she knew that she had to do something. When she saw Colin's parents, her mother and sister walking back from the café she deiced to take action and make it look like she was at least trying to make it right.

Amelia got up from her seat and grabbed her purse and jacket and hurried over to Madison.

"You are right I am using and I am so sorry that I lied to you. Of course you knew that I was using. You are such a smart girl. As Amelia ran her hands over her daughters face.

"So"

"So… Ma come over here, will ya"

"What do you want Amy because I know that I don't like to cattle called"

"I want you..." as she was digging into her bag "to take these" pulling out a little baggie of pills. Carolyn gapped the little bag as quickly as she could. Amelia knew that when she needed a fix she could tap into Colin's supply that was in his jacket.

"So you probably have more stashed somewhere else" Madison replied clearly not impressed by her mother's action

"I don't have any more. I promise"

"Yeah I heard that before from dad."

"Here" handing over her bag and jacket to Maddie "takes look you won't find any more pills, if you want." Amelia knew that she had to show Maddie that she didn't have any pills.

Carolyn had come back from the bathroom where she was flushing the last of Amelia's pill; Maddie was still going thru Amelia's things. She when over to Amelia and wrapped her in hug, "I know what you are doing is extremely hard and I am so proud of you"

Amelia pulled away from her mother's hug when she saw Maddie get up and walk toward her father's room.

"Maddie what are you doing?"

"I finished going thru your stuff so now I am looking for dad's stash, because I know that he was high last weekend"

"I think we finished his supply this morning" Amelia said frantically trying to keep control of the situation because she knew that if Maddie found Colin's supply she would be screwed and would not be able to make it thru the night

Amelia watched in horror as Madison found Colin's pills in his inside pocket of his jacket. Of course Madison knew where Colin kept his pills she had grown up watching him used of course she knew were Colin kept his supply. Amelia began to panic as her mother and daughter flushed the pills, there was no way she could make it thru the night. She would start going thru withdrawal.

A couple hours later the withdrawal symptoms had begun she was sweaty, anxiety and nausea. She was in hell and it was only going to get worse from that point on. She went thru hell last time she detoxed from oxy; she knew that the severe abdominal cramps and vomiting would follow. After her gesture there was no way she was going to be able to for her to sneak out and meet Colin's dealer with every one watching her. She could not even go to the bathroom by herself, when she went the last time Kate followed her.

Maddie had finally fallen asleep one if the benches, even after Colin's parents offered to take her home for the night and bring her back in the morning. Amelia when into Colin's and took a spare blanket from the bed. She went over to Maddie and covered her with the blanket.

The withdrawal symptoms were killing her. she needed to get her hands on something. She saw her sister casual flicking thru a medical journal, while her mother was knitting something for one of her countless grandchildren. She needed something to take the edge off, just something to help her get thru the night. It was at the moment she came up with a plan. If she was going to make a move now was the time, because Amelia did not want Madison to witness her going thru withdrawal.

Amelia got up out of her seat and walked over to Kate.

"Hey kid how are you feeling?" Kate asked with concern.

"To be honest like… shit" Amelia replied barely keeping it together "Kate… I don't think I can make it thru the night… I need something and you are the only one who can help me….I don't want Maddie to see me like this!" Amelia pleaded with her sister

"You would rather let her see you high?"

"Kate please just..."

"No Amy I love you and I will not help you kill yourself by writing you a script so you can go get high. "

This little argument arose the attention of their mother who was walking over to them.

"What is going on here?" Carolyn inquired about the argument in her maternal tone that let both women know that she demanded and answer.

Kate was the first to answer "Amelia just asked me to write a prescription for Oxycontin"

"Amelia"

"That is not true I was…"

"Don't lie to us Amy, I work with addicts. I know that you are trying manipulate me in to giving you some pills" Kate said raising her tone.

"I was trying to ask you for buprenorphine Kate!" said in a loud whisper hoping that argument would wake her daughter.

"Oh" Kate responded she was ashamed that she jumped to conclusion and shut down her sister who was asking for help."

"What's buprenorphine" their mother asked.

"It will help ease the withdrawal symptoms." Amelia answered her mother.

"But most importantly it will prevent any drugs from getting her high for the next seventy- two hours." Kate said digging thru her bag. "You are lucky that I have privileges here." After looking in her bag for several minutes "I must have left my prescription pad at home because I don't have it."

"What"

"Well it is not like I knew that I would need it! Don't worry I will have one of the interns here write it and I fill it for you so just sit still and don't do anything stupid while I am going."

"Come on Amy let just sit down and relax, Kate will be back soon you will feel better soon. Carolyn said trying to reassure her daughter while gently rubbing her back. "We got thru this once and we can do it again. Remember how I would hold you like this and rub your back when your craving got really back once you got home from rehab."

"Yeah"

"And you always fought way pass them, but once Maddie was born we then sit in her room and you would just watch her sleep."

"Yeah"

"I don't remember how many night we sat up in her room and it always seemed to help."

"So that was different"

"Not much and just take a look at your beautiful little girl, I know that you are doing this for her, because you are a good mom."

They sat like that for a while until Kate came back with a little bottle in her hand and a bottle of Gatorade.

"Here Amy come drink this hand over the little bottle of buprenorphine"

Amelia took the buprenorphine and threw it back like a shot.

"What's going on?" A young voice asked from behind of the group of women.

Amelia wanted to answer but has in no shape.

"Aunt Kate was giving your Mom some medicine to help her feel better and before you ask no is it nothing to get her high, it just something to help with the withdrawal. Okay?" Carolyn explained to Madison as she walked over to her granddaughter

"Okay"

"Why don't you go back to sleep"

"Alright"

Kate looked over at Amelia who was sitting down hugging her knees who looked miserable

"Here drink this, Kate told Amelia has she handed her a red Gatorade

"I'm not thirsty."

"Come on Amy you are a doctor you know that you need to drink something and I don't want you to become dehydrated" Kate told extended the Gatorade again.

"Thanks"

"It is going to be okay Amy, get lean back and relax."

Once Amelia had fallen asleep Kate got up and walked over to her mother and said "we need to talk to her about the next step"

"I know but not right now, she has a lot on her mind, plus she said that she is seeing a therapist out in California who deals with addictions and before you try to tell me that she lying Michelle confirmed that their friend Sheldon, who is like a father to Amelia gave her the number and has made an appointment with her once she get back to Los Angles."

"Ma, that is not enough, she needs rehab and she needs it now."

"I know that but I would like to tell you two things about your sister, the first is she not going to response well if we make the decision for her, she will feel like we are treating her like a little kid, which will cause her to act out even more then she already is, and secondly there is no way she is going to leave Madison or Colin's side today you said the buprenorphine last seventy-two hours, we get Michelle and Nancy to look into some rehabs here and in California and then talk to her about them later, alright?"

"I guess so I just don't like it"

"we need to let Amelia make up her mind about rehab and which treatment is best for her. As much as I want to drag her myself to a rehab clinic, it won't work, she would leave the minute she is able to just to smite u. which means the next time she wants help she won't come to us. Kate you work with people dealing with addiction all day you know that they have to want to get clean for it to work. Remember how many time did we enroll her drug programs when she was teenager, and they never worked because she didn't want to be sober. As much as I don't like this wait and see at the moment it is all can do."

"Well I don't like it any more then you but it will have to do. "Kate said looking over at Amelia.

"Just remember Amelia did ask for help today that is a giant step forwards, we just need to build on that and let her know that we want her to get help.

Little did the two women know that Amelia's request for buprenorphine was a stop gap measure to help her thru the next few days until Madison went back to school and her back to California so she could use again. Amelia did not want any help and most certainly did not want to get clean


	14. Chapter 14

I have another update for you. And this is a long one. I want to thank Desiree my awesome desk buddy for the encouragement and some awesome idea's. Also I want to thank work for making me a attend mind numbing meeting that allowed me to type most of this up. Most of this chapter is a flash back and it is in italics. I also switch between points of view. If you have any questions please ask.

**Hope you like it. As always people please leave a review. **

**Colin's surgery started several hours ago, Amelia had been pacing the whole time. She knew the surgery and could guess what step they were on. She was feeling very**_** anxious**_** about the outcome of the surgery and the effects that is could have on Maddie if there was a bad one. Sure her romantic relationship as over but for all of his faults he is still the father of her daughter and she would forever love him. Plus she knew all too well what would happen when a young girl lost her father all too soon. This train of thought let her too begin to think about the day her father died. **

_It was still dark when Amy woke up; normally her parents had to drag her out bed so she wouldn't be late for kindergarten. However she was extra excited about today because not only did she not have to go to school because of a teacher workshop but she was going to the children's museum with her mother today. She hurried out of her room, the light from Katie and Michelle's room was already on as they were getting ready to go on a field trip with the church. Derek's room was still dark as he was just going to hang out with the father that day and help out in the store in the afternoon. Amelia could hear Nancy getting ready to go out with her friends in her attic bedroom. Their father had converted attic in to a bedroom for Nancy when Amy was born, so they could have a nursery for Amy and not have to force any of the older girls to share a room with a small child. She entered her parents' room and started too jumped up and down on the bed. _

"_Mommy and Daddy wake up!" as she continued to jump on the bed Mommy and Me are going to the museum." She was very excited that she was able to spend the day with her mother. Her mother had promised to take her weeks ago and it was just going to be the two of them for some mother daughter bounding. It was not very often that she got to spend one on one time with her parents. _

_Carolyn pulled her youngest daughter in too a hug and brought her in hug and under the covers. Carolyn knew that she was going to have to break the her daughter heart, she had received a call from her commanding officer that she had to work due to a shortage of nursed due to a widespread flu break out that had put a lot nurses on sick call._

"_Oh Bunny, I am so sorry but __Admiral Beckett__called and I have to go to work today, I am sorry we will go some other time okay."_

"_But you said that you didn't have to go in to work today!" as she was begin to get upset. _

"_I know but I have to go to work" _

"_But…" _

"_I know but when the U.S. Navy calls and says that you have to report to work you have to report." _

"_It not fair we never get to do anything just the two of us!" She was clearly heart broken _

"_I know that it seems like that we never get to do anything but just last week we made cupcakes together." _

"_But that was for Derek's birthday" as Amy began to pout _

_Chris decided to jump in "and couple weeks ago the three of us went to the zoo"_

"_It's not fair. I hate being little" Amy was heartbroken she was looking forwards to going to the museum ever since her mother mentioned it, as she began to cry. _

"_Hey Princess why don't you come hang out with Derek and I at the store" _

"_I don't want too. I was going to have fun with Mommy, and the store was boring." _

"_Did I mention that we are going to take a ride on a ferry boat and stopping by the park to feed the ducks?" Chris said offering alternate plans to Amy in hopes of cheering her up. _

"_That not as much fun as the museum with mommy" Amy said with a pout. _

"_Are you saying that I am not as much fun as mommy?" as he began to tickle her stomach _

"_Stop it daddy!" Amy said angrily. As Chris just kept ticking her, "I say stop it daddy" still in a bad mood. _

_Chris knew that he had to play hard ball. When Amy was in bad mood she could be a little terror. "Well Amy you have a choice you can either hang out with me and Derek all day or I can see if you can go stay with Mrs. Olsen." Mrs. Olsen was a woman from Church that sometimes would watch Amy and the other kids if Chris or Carolyn needed a last minute baby-sitter. Chris also knew that Amy hated staying with Mrs. Olsen, because according to Amy she was feuding with Mrs. Olsen's Parrot, Larry._

"_Fine, I go to the store with you as long as I don't have to see Larry, but I am not happy about it." As she pointed her finger at her father _

_After a fun filled morning that included pancakes, with lead to Amy getting flour all over the kitchen. A ride out to the Statue of Liberty, and trip to feed the ducks at the park. They headed over to the store. After about two hours of playing quietly behind the back counter. _

"_Daddy I am bored, when is Mommy is going to coming and pick me up?" _

"_Soon Princess she is almost done shift." _

"_But when is she going to be here? Like what time?" _

"_She will be here in about an hour right around 4:30. Can you tell me where the big hand and little hand are on the clock at 4:30?" Chris asked taking the time to teach his daughter how to tell time. _

"_Umm… the big hand will be on the… um… Amelia paused to take a look at the clock on the wall, "oh the big hand will be on the four. And the little hand will be on the …." taking a little more time to try and figure it out, after all this was a news skill for the five year old. "I don't know daddy it is too hard!" Amy said becoming frustrated. _

"_Yes you do just take a minute and think about it." Chris said encouraging his daughter. When he saw that she as still struggling "just think about it if it is 3:30 now." He said giving Amy a hint. _

"_Oh the little hand will be on the six" Amy exclaimed with excitement. _

"_Very good Amy, and for your hard work, look what I have for you." As he reached into his pocket and pulled out two shiny pennies. _

"_For me?" _

"_Yes, why don't you go play out back and play behind the counter." _

"_Thank you Daddy!" Amelia raced back to the back counter to play with her pennies. She has a secret spot where she kept and play with the pennies that her daddy gives her. There is a big crack behind the counter where she can stick the pennies and roll them back and forth. Derek was already back there. Derek likes to hang out at the store because it allows him to escape the girly-ness of his house. _

_Derek looked over at Amy who was playing with her collection of pennies. He remembered when his father would give him and his other sisters pennies, it was usually was so they could buy some penny candy up at the front of the store. _

"_Hey Amy, why don't you buy some candy with your pennies?" _

"_Because Derek I am saving up to buy a town. So we can all live there and Mommy and Daddy don't have to work!" she answered like he was already supposed to know that. _

"_Well then Ames I think you need to save up some pennies, because town are pretty expensive" Derek said to mess with his sister. _

"_I know" _

"_You might even need to save up some nickels and dimes in order to buy a town!" as he continued to give his baby sister a hard time. _

"_But Daddy only gives me pennies" She said with a huff and turned away to continued playing with her pennies. Over the last five years one thing that Derek had learned that if Amelia was playing quietly it was best just to leave her alone, because it was a rare occasion that she was playing quietly normally she was bouncing off the walls, jumping between actives. She was loud and fearless which he knew frighten both of his parents. He returned to his comic book and let Amy be. _

_Out of nowhere Chris voice rang out. Chris was never one to raise his voice let alone yell. He was normal a very calm man. This sudden outburst piqued the interest of both Derek and Amelia has they peaked out from behind the counter. The cash register was open and the cash was gone and a man was holding a gun to his father's head. _

"_I said I want you watch!" _

"_No, you already have the money!" _

_At this Derek reached over to Amy and put one hand over her mouth and wrapped his other arm around her tiny little body. Derek held onto Amy for dear life and prayed for once in her short life that she would just remain tiny and quiet. They could hear the man yelling at his father to hand over the watch that his mother had giving to his father for their_ _anniversary last year. She had saved up for three years. His father would not give up his watch. Then almost out of nowhere a gun shot rang thru out the store, Derek saw one of the men bend down behind the counter and then the bell above the store rang out to let them know that the robbers had left. They had seen their father drop to the floor. When Derek stoop up he saw that his father was lying in a pool of blood. Derek knew that his father was dead. He knew no one could survive a gunshot wound to the head at point blank range. _

_Then Amy's young and innocent voice reached his ear's "Don't worry Derek, Mommy will be able to fix Daddy, she is a nurse." _

_**Amelia was lost in her memories; she had not even realized that Kate had sat down next to her "a penny for her thoughts" **_

_"**What" **_

_"**You seem lost in your own world." **_

_"**Nothing, I am not thinking about anything." Lying not wanting her shrink of a sister knowing that she was thinking of their father's death. Or the fact that she thought about it on a regular bases. **_

_**Just then the doctor came out from behind the surgical ward doors. He walked over to the group and conveyed that Colin made it through the surgery and was in recovery and they could see him in a little while. **_

_"**Come on Amy what are you thinking about" Kate asked as they took their seats again**_

_"**Nothing and it is Amelia, only Derek is allowed to call me Amy." **_

_**Alright I will call you Amelia if you tell me what you are thinking about. You are a drug addict you can't keep your feeling for yourself, you need to talk about you feelings, I will be good for you." Kate said in hopes that blackmailing her sister would get her talk. **_

_"**You are going to keep bothering me until I tell you, right?" **_

_"**Oh little sister you know me all too well." **_

_**Carolyn had come back from the Café where she was getting food for the group. She walked over to Colin's parents Joe and Deb who were talking to Maddie she handed then some coffee and food; she also stopped for a minute and chatted. **_

_**However on the other side of the waiting room Kate and Amelia were continuing their conversation. "So what are you thinking about and don't lie!" **_

_**I just thinking about what would happen to Maddie is Colin dies. I mean I didn't exactly handle dad's death well.**_

_"**Ames you heard the Doctor. Colin is going to be fine." **_

_"**I know …" But in that moment Amelia decided to take a chance and be honest. "Yeah but that got me thinking about… pausing not sure if she should continue, she that Madison was talking to both her grandmothers.**_

_"**It got you thinking about what? Ames?" her sister asked in concern, but Kate did have an idea of what her sister was thinking about. **_

_**Amelia was still hesitant but continued anyway. "Dad's death. I use to think it I had it worst then Derek because I could not remember what had happen that day. Which meant I could not picture it or really talk about it, but after he told me last year I know I was wrong because now I remember and I can picture it in vivid details." **_

_"**Do you think about Dad's death often?" Kate asked going into shrink mode. **_

**Just then Carolyn walked over to her daughters and put a cup of coffee and a bagel in front of Amelia.**

"**I know you said you did want anything but you do need to eat my dear." **

"**I'm not hungry"**

"**You need to eat something bunny, it looks like you have not eaten in days." Carolyn maternal instinct was taken over, even if Amelia was a doctor and grown up it she still felt like she had to look after her baby who was force to grow up way before she should have. **

"**Ma, I said I was not hungry!" Amelia bust out in anger. **

"**Alright, I just leave it right here and you can eat it when you are ready." As she placed the coffee and the bagel on the table next to Amelia "it is nice to see the two of you getting along, it is a nice surprise" Carolyn said know about the tense relationship Amelia had wither sibling "what are you two talking about?" wondering what her two girls were talking about **

"**Dad's death" Kate responded to her mother's question, she was never one to hide anything from her mother which got her in trouble with her siblings a lot, especially when they were growing up. **

"**What about dad's death" Carolyn asked. **

"**Nothing I was just thinking about it okay" as she once again bust out in anger, she got up and walked away. As she walked thru the hospital she had a feeling that she was being followed, however she did not turn around and she just kept walking. When she made it outside she had to shield her eyes from the bright fall sunshine, she found a bench and sat down, and once again began thinking about the day her dad died. **

_It was not long before the policemen had showed up. Apparently they were just a crossed the street when they had heard the gun go off, which allowed them to arrest the murders as they exited the store. _

_The policemen brought both Amy and Derek outside. Soon the street was crowded with neighbors and passer-byers trying to see what was going on, and watch the police work. All of the commotion not only confused Amy but also scared her. She was not able to understand what was going on, but she knew that Derek would protect her so she just continued to cling to him. She had not spoken since she had told Derek not to worry. _

"_Derek"_

"_Yes, Amy" _

"_When is Mommy going to be here?" _

"_Don't worry she will be here soon, but I got you until she gets here okay, I promise that I won't let anything happen to you. Okay?" _

"_Okay" _

"_I got you Amy" as he continued to hold on tight to his baby sister. He was trying his best not to fall apart in front of Amy. The police wanted to speak with Derek about what had happen in the store, but he refused until his mother arrive._

"_Derek is daddy going to be okay? Right, mommy will be able to fix him up, good as new, like when I get a boo-boo" Amy asked._

_Derek did not know how to answer her question because he did not want to talk about what had happen to their father or be the one to tell Amy that her Daddy had died. Because she is five and at that age dads don't die, sure other people dads might, not hers he was going to live forever because that what dad's do. Luckily for Derek he was able to see his mother fighting her way to the front of crowd. She was stopped at the police line, where she was explaining that her husband owned the store. _

"_Look Amy, Mommy is here" Derek told Amelia as he pointed her out. She stood out among the crowd in her Navy Uniform. Amelia bolted out of Derek's arms and raced over to her mother. Carolyn saw her baby running over she bent down waiting for Amelia to reach her. Carolyn could not believe what the police man had just told her. She could not believe that her husband, her soul mate, her best friend was dead. What made it even more unbelievable was that two of her children might have had witness theirs father murder. She just clung to her baby girl. _

"_Amy, where is your brother?" because she could not being able to see him._

_Amelia still clinging to her mother pointed him out "he's right there" point to the curb where she was just sitting. Derek pushed aside the police man who was trying to talk to him and walked over to his mother and hugged her. Before Derek could reach them, Amelia broke down and began to sob out in fear. _

"_It's okay, I got you, and you are safe bunny, mommy here now." Carolyn was comforting her daughter like she had just woke up after a bad dream once Derek reached Amy and his mother he just wrapped them both in hug and cried._

_After a couple minutes of crying about their loss, Carolyn said "let's go home." She still had to tell her other three daughters that their father was murdered. She had no idea on how to tell them that their dad was dead. _

"_No!" Amy shouted "we can leave we have to stay because Mommy can make him better because you are a nurse." _

_Carolyn put Amelia down on the ground and bent down to her level. _

"_Amelia, I need you to listen to me. Okay?" _

"_Okay?" Amy did not understand what was going on she was only called 'Amelia' when she was in trouble or when her siblings were teasing her._

"_I am so sorry but I cannot make Daddy better, I wish I could but he was hurt really badly and he died." _

"_But he will come back right, because we have not finished Charlotte's web, and you don't do the voices right." _

"_Amy, he is not coming back. He is with Jesus in heaven. Remember when you learn about heaven in school." Carolyn never thought that she would be so thankful that she and Chris pinched every penny to send their children to catholic school before in her life. _

"_But Sister Mary John" her kindergarten teacher "said that Jesus came back to life. So why can't Daddy." _

"_It just doesn't work like that. But I know that if daddy could come back to us he would."_

"_If Jesus is can't help. Can a unicorn help because they are magical?" _

"_No bunny, a unicorn can't not help, but we can talk more about this when we get home, okay and this nice policeman gives us a ride home." As Amelia began to sob again. Carolyn was doing everything she could not to break down in public and in front of her children. She knew that she had to be strong for her kids._

When Carolyn saw Amelia sit down on the bench she deiced to give her some space. Carolyn sat down on the bench next to Amelia and just waited. But she could not stop thinking about Chris's death.

_When the three of them got home Amy was still crying, but due to the bickering she heard from the living room she could tell that Nancy, Katie, and Shelly were home. Derek walked right in the front door and made his way upstairs to his bedroom, he just need to be alone for minute, his mother had gotten the police to postpone talking with him and Amy until later that night. _

"_I have to tell your sisters what happen to daddy, you can go play if you want or you can stay right where you are. It is up to you." Carolyn asked Amy. She did reply but Carolyn guess that by the tighten grip from Amy meant she wanted to stay._

"_Mom, can we have pizza for dinner?" Katie yelled as she walked in to the door way before Carolyn could she could answer Katie, Katie saw Amy crying. _

"_What's wrong with Amy?" Katie ask in concern. _

_Carolyn looked at her soon to be sixteen year old "why don't we go and talk in the living room." _

"_Mom what going on" _

"_I think it will be better if I just told you and your sisters all together." As she made her way into the living room. _

"_Mom will tell Nancy that I got to the TV first so I get to pick what we watch" Shelly asked she tried to get the remote from Nancy's hands_

"_You are just going to pick some stupid little kid show! MTV is better than thing you want to watch. " _

"_Girls have a sit on the couch and turn off the TV we need to talk." Carolyn ordered her daughters." _

"_Something happen at the store today _

"_What happened at the store today?" Nancy asked after she looked at her sister _

_Carolyn did not know how to answer that question. How do you tell your children that their father was shot and killed? _

"_Your father was shot during a robbery…" _

"_Is he okay" _

"_He will be okay right" _

"_What happened when we can see him?" _

"_I am so sorry but he didn't make it. He died" all three of her daughters were stunned and silent. The only noise was in the room was Amelia crying. After about a minute they all started silently crying _

"_Mom where was Amy and Derek when this happened." Nancy asked _

"_I don't know they didn't say anything yet."_

"_I was playing with my pennies" Amy said into her mother neck. Carolyn gasped she knew where Amy played with her pennies. This confirmed that at least her five you old had witness her father murder. _

"_It was scary! The bad man had a gun to daddy's head. And Derek hurt me with his hands Mommy. He was holding on me very hard and he had his hand over mouth. He didn't even move if after I licked it. You need to remind him that we keep are hand to are self." _

_Carolyn was stunned, she could not believe that two of her children had witness their fathers murder. How was she going to be able to help her children get through this tragic event in their young life? How do you help a child who witness their father's murder, because she honestly had no idea? _

"**Ma"**

**Carolyn snapped out of her memories and saw that Amy was standing in front of her. She had a feeling that she had missed something that Amelia had missed**

"**What did you say Amy" **

"**I said I was sorry that I snapped at you earlier. It was rude of me. You just trying to help me." As she sat down next to her "all you ever do is try to help me, and I just keep disappointing you. I am such a screw up. I am addict, I got knock up at seventeen by another addict. You must be so proud." **

"**Amelia Margret, I am so proud of you. Yeah, you made some bad decision and made some mistakes but just look at your life. Yes you are a drug addict and you were a teenager mother, but you became a brain surgeon. You had a child and you graduated summa cum laud from Harvard medical school, you were number one in your class and with honors didn't you say that only sixteen other people in the history of the school earn summa cum laud. And you have raised a great daughter that you should be so proud of her. I am proud of you. All I ever want from you is for you to be happy and healthy, which means clean and sober. I know you do not want to hear this ,but you do need to hear this. You need help. Right now Amelia I don't care how you get it, but you do need it. And I know that you aware that you need help that because you would not had asked Kate for help, so I know that you know you need help. I know you do not think or want to hear that you need rehab, but as your mother I think is the best thing for you, at this time. **

"**Your right I don't!" and with that she got up and walked back in the hospital.**

**A couple of days later Amelia was feeling a little better. She was making process with Maddie; she was beginning to gain her trust back. Colin was being relapsed from the hospital. However she was not gaining back any trust with her family. Her mother and sister made her go to a NA meeting. She didn't want to sit thru a meeting but when her mother suggested it in front Madison she knew that she had to go. Of course Kate went to keep an eye on her to make sure she actually when and sat thru one. Last night at dinner they had ambushed her with about ten different rehab facilities in both New York and California, she knew where her family stood. But she had not changed her mind. **

**Amelia and Kate enter the waiting area behind their mother and Maddie were talking so they didn't see them walked in. Amelia heard the worry and panic in her daughter voice and hated what her drug addiction was doing to her daughter.**

"**Grandma…I think I am pregnant" Madison told her grandmother. **

**Amelia was in shock her thirteen year old could not be pregnant, she could not become a grandmother at thirty. She said the only thing that came to her mind "what! What did you say?" **

Only like sixteen people in the history of Harvard Medical School have earn summa cum laud, is a true fact. I found of the Harvard medical school website.


	15. Chapter 15

Here's the next update, please leave a review. Once again there is a flashback and the present is in bold .I also want to thank caseyjr for the help with some names.

**The room was silent; nobody knew what to say or how to act. They just all stared at each other for a while, until Amelia broke the silence, "what did you say Madison?" using her maternal voice to let her daughter know that she demanded an answer.**

**Carolyn could see the stress and anxiety rise in Amelia. She knew that Amelia was hot headed and that the hospital waiting room was not the best place to have this conversation. "Why don't we go back to my house and talk?"**

**The subway ride was silent; Madison put her iPod on the second she was able to. Carolyn could see that Amelia was freaking out. How could her daughter not be freaking out, her thirteen year old daughter might be pregnant.**

"**You know I remember the day you told me you were pregnant."**

"**That was different I was older!"**

"**Not by much."**

**Ma, there was a big difference I was already in college, Maddie is still in middle school, this is nowhere close to being the same." With that Amelia turned and looked out of the window of the train and faced the darkness of the tunnel.**

The sheik of the alarm on her bedside table was going off. The time showed it was 5:00 am; Amelia turned off the alarm and got out of bed. She changed out of her pajamas and in to her running clothes, for her morning run, quietly as to not wake her mother who was still sleeping. Which has been her routine for about the last eighteen months since she had got home from the rehab program her mother sent her to after her overdose. She had become addicted to running, an addicts needs to be addicted to something.

Every morning she woke up at the crack of dawn and run for miles. She never know where she would end up, she would just take off. At first her new habits caused her mother to panic. Her mother would wake up and find her bed empty and think that Amy was off on another bender, like she had become accustomed to while Amy was using. But now it was their morning routine when Amelia came back her run her mother would have prepared her breakfast and then they would get ready for their day.

Carolyn would drop Amy off at the aftercare program, the Phoenix House, where Amy still received support and therapy, five times a week. Her counselor Kevin Johnson would make sure that she attended her classes at Columbia, where she was studying neuroscience. Kevin and her tutor Laura Brown noticed right off the bat that Amy was a bright student, who would benefit from some more changeling course work. They also helped her graduate high school early, as she was bored and un-motived with the high school work, which could be a trigger for her. Laura had called in a favor with one of her friends who was an admission counselor at Columbia.

As Amelia ran with the wind on her back she did not think of anything her mind was blank and that was a good thing. She always tried to switch up her morning route as not too get bored. She had several routes that passed by NA meetings, at would allow her to attend and still make it home in time to get a ready for the day. She had a rough night last night and she was worried about her friend Colin. She was not sure where she stood with him. They had been playing this weird game with him ever since they had sex together about six weeks ago. Ever since then Colin had been acting strange and she was unsure to as why. Amelia stopped on the curb to catch her breath, before looking both ways as she started to cross the street, when out of nowhere a minivan came out of nowhere and collide with Amelia.

Carolyn after getting dressed for work headed down the hall into Amy's room, and saw that is was empty. She took some comfort in seeing that Amy's running shoes and jacket where gone. Carolyn saw Amy's school bag was gone. Carolyn went over to the bag and did a search of the bag. Then she grabbed Amelia's behavior journal. Every day Kevin writes about Amelia behavior that day and her moods, any progress or setbacks she might have experience that day. It was a great way to keep the lines open and tabs on her troubled daughter. Carolyn usually read each night when they got home, but last night she was on call for the pediatric doctor's office, and it seemed like every child that belonged to that office was sick, and Amy needed help with her homework that she just did not get to it. Once again it was a less than stellar report.

It just was not making any sense. She had been going so well and was making progress, Kevin was sending home good report almost daily since she joined the program, but about the last five week or so there were a lot more bad behavior reports coming home. She was not reaching goals she had set for herself and she was talking back. Amelia was on thin ice and she knew it.

If Carolyn had to guess it had something to do with her new friend Colin. They had gotten close so fast. As Carolyn read the lasted entry she was not pleased. Carolyn looked at the clock and Amy should be getting home soon. Over the last couple of weeks Amy had loss recreational soccer, the car, going out with some of her new friends. Carolyn knew what she had to do. Carolyn hated to be so strict with her youngest. She was never like this with any of her other children, but this is what Amy need. When Amy broke the rules and got in trouble there had to be following thru with the punishment no time off for good behavior. It meant extra chores and loss of privileges. It was all written out in the rule and behavior contract that Amelia and Carolyn had signed before she was allowed to come home from the Sirona Horizons Treatment Center.

As much as Carolyn hated what she had to do, she knew she had to do because it was the best for Amy. Carolyn got up and went to start Amelia breakfast. Carolyn hear the door open as she placed the eggs on the plate and walked over to the refrigerator to grab the lockbox that contained Amy medications, Adderall for her adhd and Prozac to treat her depression.

"Amy come and eat, your run went long and we need to have a talk!"

"It me Ma." Derek answered as he walked in.

"Well Derek it is a pleasant surprise seeing you this morning."

"I think I left my jacket here the other night, so I thought I would pick it up before I am needed at work.

"I meant to call you but I got busy. It is in the hall closet.

"Thanks, where's Amy" as he helped himself to a cup of coffee.

"She out in her morning run, she is usually is back by now, she must have lost track of time, but she will be soon."

"Or she ran into her dealer and is getting high in empty warehouse"

"You should give your sister a break; she is really trying to turn her life around and is fighting to stay."

"Ma she is a drug addict and she will always be one, she did this to herself"

"I know that Derek but she is doing so well."Although Carolyn was beginning to question this just then Derek pager went off

"Sorry Ma, but I need to get to the hospital."

Carolyn looked at the clock; Amy should have been home about 45 minutes ago. She hated to think that maybe Derek was right and that she had relapsed she was working so hard to stay clean. Carolyn got up and called the office to let them know that she would be late. After calling the office, she called Kevin in hopes that Amy went to him and not her with an issue.

"Sorry Carolyn, I have not seen her today,"

"Thanks Kevin,"

"If I hear from her I will let you know."

Carolyn hung up the phone and began to pace, she was not used to not knowing where Amy was since she returned from Sirona Horizons.

Carolyn was filled with anxiety. She just felt like something was wrong. Just then there was a knock on the door.

Amelia was not sure what was going on, one minute she was she was crossing the street, now she was being pushed thru hospital doors. She heard the paramedic yell out "Jane Doe late teens, hit by a car, she lost consciousness for about two minutes and seized at the scene."

One of the doctors answered but Amelia was in such extreme pain that she did not hear what the doctor said, and all she could think about was getting her hands on some pain.

"No pills" she said quietly in her dazed mind set.

"What was that sweetie" a young and innocent intern asked.

"I'm an addict no oxy." "Alright no oxy."

The intern said as she makes a note in her chart. "What is your name"

"Umm… it is …" struggling to come up with an answer, "Amy?"

The intern made a note on how Amy had struggled to remember her first name.

"Do you remember you last name?"

"It is… you know what do you call people who watch sheep?"

"Shepherd"

"That it, can you call my mom I don't want to get in trouble?"

"Sure sweetie I will call your mom, do you know your phone number?"

"It 718-…914, I don't know"

"That okay don't worry about just relax we are going to run some test and we will have someone call you mom."As she took a blood sample, and ordered a neurological exam

"Carolyn opened the door and saw Lisa Smith. Amy's case worker, she was assigned to Amelia's case after she totaled her mother's car while high on pain pills. Amelia was lucky, instead of ending up in a juvenile detention center; she was offered a second chance to turn her life around, by being an enrolled in a diversion program. As long as she stayed out of troubled till she was eighteen and was in enrolled in substance abuse program, she would not be prosecuted for driving under the influence and procession of a controlled substance, and her record would be clean.

"Hi, Mrs. Shepherd, is Amelia home?"

"She is not, why don't you come in?" as Carolyn stood aside to let Lisa in.

"You are most likely wondering why I am here. See I stopped by the Phoenix House, to perform my monthly visit with Amelia, only to find out she had not showed up. I would hate to have to report to the courts that she is not in compliance with the diversion would mean her case would be brought before a judge. Which I don't think any of us want"

As much as Carolyn did want Amy's charges brought before a judge, which meant she could spend up to a year in a juvenile detention center. She was not going to lie and enabled this behavior. "You are correct Ms. Smith, but I can promise you this is the first time anything like this has happen. I'm sure Amy has a good reason this is unlike it her."

"I believe you Mrs. Shepherd but after speaking with the staff at the Phoenix House, this might be a big warning sign that we cannot afford to miss."

Just then the phone rang; Carolynn got up to answer the phone in the hall.

Amy was admitted in the pediatric ward of the hospital and was told to rest. The nurses were trying to get ahold of her mother; however it was difficult due to the lack of information. Amelia was in her room for maybe thirty minutes when a group of doctors came a rounded on her. The nice intern from before whose name was Gina began to read off her chart, while another doctor began to examine her. Just them another doctor walked in.

"Dr. Wright, you ordered a neuro exam." A doctor said as he entered the room.

"Amy what are you doing here, I don't want to hear that you overdose again."

"Dr. Shepherd!" said Dr. Wright whose was the attending.

"I don't think I did "

"She was hit by a car, loss conscious and seized at the scene." Gina told Derek.

"Does my mother know that Amy is here?"

Derek asked Gina after he finished his neuro exam.

"No, we were unable to contact your mother." Gina told Derek.

And with that Derek left the room to go call his mother.

"Ms. Smith, I apologize but I am sorry, but I have to go, that was my son Derek on the phone and it seems like Amy was hit by car this morning when she was out on her morning run."

As she hurried out of the house. Ms. Smith was not far behind her."

I will assure you that Amelia this absent from the Phoenix House, will not count against her, or any further days that she will miss because she is recovering.

"Thank you Ms. Smith"

Meanwhile back at hospital, the Amelia was mindless watching switching between channels, when Gina came back.

"Amy, I want to talk to you about one of you test results."

"Shouldn't you wait till my mom gets here?"

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about your blood test alone. When you came in we ran a pregnancy test and it has just came back. And it is positive."Gina told Amy gently.

"What does that mean?"

"It means you are pregnant."

"Oh… right"

"So we are going to order more test and see how far along you are and if the baby is developing alright. Okay?" after Amy agreedAmy just sat there she was stunned.

Carolyn race thru the hospital once she found out Amelia's room, as Carolyn rounded the corner of the pediatric wing of the hospital, she saw Amy sitting up in bed with a stunned face.

"Amy, what is?" Carolyn asked when she saw the fears in her daughter's eyes. "If they gave you oxy we can get thru it, I promise you we can!"

In that moment Amelia deiced to be honest with her mother. A year ago she would have never confided something like that with her mother. "I am pregnant."

Carolyn could not believe what she was hearing, her youngest child was pregnant. "You are sixteen, how could you let this happen, Amelia! Whose is the father?"

Amy just looked down in embarrassment

"Amelia Margaret, I asked you a question and I demand an answer." Carolyn stated looking right at Amelia.

"Colin" Amelia whispered so quietly that Carolyn did not hear her.

"What was that?"

"Colin" Amelia said louder this time.

Carolyn took moment and turned to face the window. When she turned around she saw that Amy was sitting in her hospital bed and silently crying.

"I am so sorry, that all I ever do is disappoint you." As Amelia began to sob harder, she continued, I am such a failure.

"Oh Amy we will get thru it, like we always do"

**Once they were back at Carolyn house, Carolyn sent Madison up stair, in order to talk to Amelia.**

** "How do I talk to her about this, she is my baby and she is way to young have a child. She cannot handle the responsibility that comes with having a child."**

** "I know the feeling." Carolyn said remembering when Amelia to her she was pregnant.**

**"But you need to go upstairs and have an honest conversion with your daughter. Because we don't know for sure that she is pregnant."**

** "I know that, and she is too young to even be putting herself in this situation" **

**"You were too Amy" **

**Amelia stood at the top of stairs, just gathering her thoughts. Amelia was trying to figure out how to start the conversation with her daughter to find out if she was pregnant. Which meant Amelia would have to talk about her daughter about sex. Amelia was never one who shied away from topics about sex; she was always opened and answered any question her daughter had on the topic. She just didn't know how to start the conversation. Amelia walked to the close door of her old room was, and knocked. After receiving no reply she let herself in. Maddie was lying on the bed listening to her iPod when Amelia entered the room. It took a moment for Amelia to get Maddie attention **

**"We need to talk about what you told Grandma." Amelia said seriously. **

**"Now I know that you must be freaking out and scared but we still do need to talk. Why do you think you are pregnant?Amelia asked getting straight to the point. **

**"I missed my period" **

**"I didn't even know you started you period."**

** "Yeah, I started it three months ago. I have the first two months but not this month." **

**"Alright, that does not necessarily mean you are pregnant, at first it not uncommon for young girls to have irregular periods, and missed one." Amelia said reassuring her daughter **

**"Really?" **

**"Really. So now comes the uncomfortable part I need to know have you had… "Amelia took deep breath. She was a doctor she should be able to ask this simple diagnosis question. **

**"Did he… ah…"**

** "We didn't have sex if that you are asking." **

**"Maddie you didn't have sex" Amelia said relived that her thirteen year old daughter was not pregnant "you're not pregnant Madison"**

** "I'm not pregnant, but Sean you know came in the pool when we were fooling around." **

**"Sweetie, that does not matter, you have to have sex to get pregnant." Amelia said " well since that sorted, why don't we get your stuff and I will drive you back to school, because I don't think you should miss any more days."**

** After grabbing her own bag before headed downstairs, "I will be downstairs when you are ready." **

**Amelia put down her bag and wondered in to the kitchen and exclaimed "so great news, I am not going to be a grandmother at thirty" **

**"That is great news."**

** "So after I drop my kid off at school I going go straight to airport I need to get back."**

** "Or you could stay here while you get treatment" Carolyn trying to change her daughter's mind because is was not sure that Amelia would get treatment out in California  
><strong>

** "Ma, I cannot stay here, and beside it best that I set up a support system out in California, but I promise I will go to Dr. Maguire the shrink that Sheldon recommended and find an outpatient treatment center, so relax I got this under control."**

** "Alright, but don't think I won't be checking up on you." **

**"I expected it" as she leaned in for a hug, "I love you."**

**"I love you too Amy"**

**"Alright kid let's go "Amelia hollered up the stairs.**

** "Alright, alright" Madison says as she came down the stairs. Madison gave her grandmother a hug, and with that they left. **

**After the three hour ride up to Madison's school, it was time for mother and daughter to part ways. **

**"So will I see you at thanksgiving?" **

**"I don't know kid, it your dad's year, and but depending on where I am in my treatment I will see if I can make out for a couple days, because I know that your dad planning on saying in New York for a while." **

**"Are you sure you are going to be okay? Mom" Maddie asked as she was exiting the car outside her dorm room. "**

**I will be, I already starting the process I need to get the help I need. But if you want to help me the best thing you can do is work hard at school and behave, so I don't have to worry about you anymore then I normally do about you. Can you do that for me?" **

**"I will" "Alright come here kid," as Amelia pulled her daughter in to a great bear hug. "You know that I love you more than anything in this whole stupid world." "I know Mom, I love you too." **

**Amelia arrived home almost fifteen hours later. The first thing she did once she got home was get out her cell phone. "**

**Hey Ryan, its Amelia, do you think you come over soon? Amelia listened to Ryan on the other end of the phone. "Great I will see you then." She then gave him directions to her house.**


	16. Chapter 16

**~Here's the next chapter there are a couple of scenes from the show that I used. The writing was just so good that I could not complete. Sorry for the long wait, but I was busy. I have also been working on a new fan fiction about Amelia as her as a teenager that I hope to have up in month or two. I have also been working on some 'one shots' about the Shepherd family, I might posted soon. As always please leave me a review on your thoughts.~**

Amelia woke up to a loud pounding at her found door, however it was not quite as loud as the pounding in her head. Amelia got out of bed, before throwing on a shirt that she picked up off the floor, and then she swallowed a few pills. She slowly made her way to the door. Once she opened the door she was surprised to see that Michelle was standing in her doorway looking pissed. Michelle pushed her way pass Amelia and into the house.

"Amy! Why are not ready to go. I told you that you needed to be ready to go when I got here!" Michelle scolded her sister as she looked around the first floor. There were various bottles of alcohol and take out boxes scattering the house. Michelle had come over a clean the house from top to bottom while Amelia was still in New York; in the four days since her return she had trashed the place. "Why are you not ready to go?"

"Go where Michelle" Amelia was generally confused to as to what her sister was taking about.

"You have your appointment with Dr. Maguire today at 2:30! Michelle began to explain but seeing that Amelia still looked clueless." Remember I set it up for you and you agreed to go."

I don't remember that."

"Well it happened and I'm here to make sure you go. Now go put on some pants and let go." Michelle yelled at her younger sister.

"You know today is not a good day for me. You see I have company and it would be rude to kick him out. Amelia sassed her sister as she began to make her exit.

"Amelia stop stalling and let's go!"

"No."

"Either you go upstairs and get dress and, and you are in my car in…."

"Or what you are going to call Ma!" Amelia interrupted.

"Pleased Amy" Michelle begged as she began to understand what their mother went thru fifteen years ago.

"Fine" Amelia yelled as she flicked her fingers in Michelle's face. Amelia began to climb the stairs to go get dressed; however Michelle began to follow her. "You stay here!" Amelia said ordering her sister to stay downstairs.

Once she was in her bedroom, she saw that Ryan was up.

"Good you are up, I have to run out for a while, but I will write you another script, so if you could fill that while I am out, as she tore it from the almost empty prescription pad.

'"have I ever told you Dr. Shepherd that you are the women of my dreams." As Ryan pushed Amelia back on the bed and peeled off her ratty t-shirt and kiss her passionately.

Downstairs Michelle here the sound of a lamp breaking once it hit the floor and the sound of Amelia giggling. Deciding to make one more plea with Amelia she headed up the stairs. Once she opened Amelia bedroom door she found her sister undressed and making out with a man whom must be Amelia's company.

"Come on Amy let's go!" as she picked up a shirt from the floor, she went to throw at her sister but once she caught a whiff of it she deiced to find another one. Once she found a semi-clean shirt and pair of jeans she threw them at Amelia and stated" if you are not in my car in five minutes, I swear to God that you will regret it!" and with that she left.

Four minutes and thirty seconds had passed since Michelle had giving the ultimatum, and Amelia was still not outside, she prayed that Amelia would meet the deadline. However the stop watch on her phone had just reached the five minute mark. Maybe a second or two later Amelia can hopping out of the house trying to put on her sneakers with her a phone to ear, once she got her shoe on she got into the car. Amelia might have been late but at least she was in the car.

"Ma, relax I am in the car now." Amelia said in to the phone like a bratty teenager, "no I am not driving, Michelle is… look I have to go. With that Amelia hung up her phone, then reached over to the radio to turn it on, after she found a station she liked she turned towards the window and zoned out. Nether sister said a word to each other for the rest of the car ride.

Michelle could see that Amelia was pissed at her for following her into the office, but she did not care because this was the only way she could be sure that her sister actually went thru with the appointment.

After Amelia had finished filling out some forms she when and sat by her sister, only because there was no other place to sit. "You know I don't need a babysitter." She informed her sister.

"Judging by the state of you I beg to differ" Michelle responded not bothering to take her eyes off the year old magazine she was reading. Just before Amelia was able to respond a tall lady with silver hair came out into the lobby.

"Amelia" the women called out "why don't you come on back?"

It took a few second and an elbow from Michelle before she knew she got up out of her seat and began to make her back, with Dr. Maguire

"Come on in and have a seat" Dr. Maguire said in her warm Shrinky voice. Finally after sitting incomplete silence for couple minutes, Dr. Maguire broke the silence "why don't you tell me about yourself. "

"there not much to tell" Amelia answer the question, but was determined to give as little information possible."

"Come on there must be something; I know you are a doctor from Sheldon, What kind of medicine do you practice."

"Neurosurgery" Amelia was getting annoyed with the small talk.

"Do you have any kids?" Dr. Maguire asked. Amelia did not respond she just sat there in her drug out state. However Dr. Maguire was too patients that came too against there will only to get the family off their back for a couple of days. She just sat quietly in her chair staring at Amelia. And it worked.

"I have a daughter…." Sensing that her answer did not satisfy Dr. Maguire, "Madison…. Maddie… she is thirteen." Amelia answers like a defiant teenager.

"About your family, do you have any siblings?" The doctor asked, once again waiting for Amelia to answer.

"Yes," Once again Dr. Maguire just stared at her. Amelia getting feed up, "I have three sisters and brother, Nancy, Kate, Derek, and Michelle."

"Are there older on younger then you?"

"I am the youngest," Amelia spite out at the shrink.

"And are your parents live still live?"

"My mom is she is a kick ass mom. This is not her fault so don't blame her, I know how you shrinks work."

"And your father is he still live?"

"He died." Amelia said flatly.

"When did he die?" Dr. Maguire hoping to get some information out of Amelia."

"When I was five…" The pain that came from her father death began to rise in her, and Dr. Maguire could tell from her voice that this was a difficult subject for her to talk about.

"I am sorry. How? "

"I don't talk about it" Amelia said as she crossed her arms and leaned back into her chair.

"Alright, we can move on." As she made a note on her legal pad, one just like the one Sheldon uses.

"So Amelia, tell me why are you here today, because I can tell that you don't want to be here"

"My sister forced me. Amelia stated like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"I have a hard believing that anybody forced you to do anything that you didn't want to do."

"Fine…It will get her off my back for a couple of days." Amelia finally answered the doctor's question."

"Why do you want your sister off your back?" Dr. Maguire asked in that fake sympathetic voice that made Amelia wants to punch her in the face.

"Because she is a bitch!" Amelia burst out as she began to rise from her seat. The doctor could tell that Amelia was conflicted about to do but, was nowhere near ready to ask for the help she so desperately needed.

"Okay, Amelia why don't we calm and a have an honest exchange, and I want an honest answer, because I know I hate it when patients lie to me and I am willing to guess that you also hate it? You don't want my help getting clean, because Amelia I can tell that you are high and you are doing a poor job at hiding it. So here's what going to happen either you sit back down a deiced to save your life and get clean or you leave me your mother's phone number, and get out because there are plenty of people who want my help, and I not going to waste my time on someone who does not want it." As she leaned back in her chair and waited for Amelia's answer.

Amelia just look at her, no shrink never spoke to her like that before. "Why do you want my mother phone number?"

"So I can tell her to start planning your funeral. Just stop and take a moment and think about your mother planning a funeral for her youngest child, and how would that would make her feel. If you die what happens to Maddie? Because Amelia this is how this ends with you in a box in the ground!" Dr. Maguire raised her voice to make her point. Amelia walked back over to chair she was sitting in moments ago and sat down.

"I died once…" Amelia whispered. She was unsure of why she was telling this to the doctor but she felt compelled to do it. "I was fifteen…I was dead for three minutes."

"How did you died Amelia" Dr. Maguire asked, she was surprised at the sudden turn of events.

"Overdose… I told everybody that it was accident but I don't think it was. I think I wanted to die.

"Why do you say that Amelia?" the doctor asked encouraging her on.

I had just stolen my Mother's prescription pad and totaled Derek's 1965 mustang and when I got home from the police station, I when up to my room and took a bunch of pills. And when woke up I knew it was better to live sad then to die happy." Amelia was just numb; she had never told anybody that before. She didn't know why she was telling this story.

"Amelia why are you telling me this, do you want me to help you."

"I don't know!" She responded, shaking in her head, she really did not know what she wanted anymore. She just didn't care about everything she worked so hard for anymore.

"Do want to get clean?" dry Maguire asked.

"I don't know. I really don't know." Amelia said truthfully, she could sense that Dr. Maguire was about to kick her out. "I don't know yet, I know that I will die if I keep using, I am a doctor and smart enough to understand that, but I don't think I can live clean." She confessed.

"why do you say that Amelia' you said you got clean once. You have done this before, you have changed your life and you can do it again."

"I don't think I can" Amelia whimpered.

"Why do you say that?"

"I can't go thru it again."

"Amelia if you don't try you will die, you are not fifteen anymore there is more at risk anymore, what happens to Maddie if you die. She needs you to be her mother. She needs you to be clean.

"I can't" she cried out. Once again the fear of getting was too much for her once again, she stood up and when to leave, when Dr. Maguire stood up and grabbed one of her cards from off the table.

"When you decide to get help call me, and I will help you Amelia because I know you can turn your life around." As she handed her business card to Amelia, which she took.

Michelle was not pleased to that Amelia had only spent about twenty minutes with the doctor, but at least it was a start. She had no idea what was said, but was disappointed that Amelia refused to schedule a fallow up visit. She had a tiny bit of hope in her when she Amelia playing with dr. Maguire's card as she drove her home. After Michelle dropped her off she head back to the office to inform Addison and Charlotte.

"At least you were able to get her to see someone," Charlotte observed, 'we may not like it but it is a start."

" I know that it a start, but Charlotte you should have seen her Charlotte, the last time I saw this bad was right before she overdose, I am afraid for her, if she keeps this up she will die." Michelle confessed to both Addison and Charlotte.

"I know Shell, we are all scared, and why don't I go and see if I can talk some sense in to her after work. Addison offered in hopes of trying to reassure Michelle. "But I don't know how much that will help seeing as I am not exactly her favor person right now.

Just then Sheldon walked into the kitchen were the ladies were talking about. "What are you ladies talking about?"

"Amelia." Charlotte responded first.

"She had appointment with Dr. Maguire today correct? Do we know how that when?" Sheldon queried.

"She stayed for about twenty minutes, and then demanded that I bring her back home to Ryan." Michelle explained the details of the day to Sheldon.

"Who is Ryan?" Sheldon inquired.

"Some guy she shacked up with. Michelle divulged. "And it getting worst she is using again and doesn't seem to care about anything. It looked promising back in New York, when she asked our older sister Kate for some bup, but now… I just don't know.

Addison staying true to her word went and visited Amelia after work. She found Amelia laying on one of her old lounge chair where some handsome guy who must be Ryan was doing tequila shot off of her stomach.

"Oh hey" Ryan greeted Addison when he noticed her. "Have you come to join us?"

"Amelia we need to talk!" Addison said firmly in hopes that make Amelia know that she meant business.

"I will just go get more limes." Ryan said excusing himself from the conversation.

"You don't want to talk Addie you want to lecture and frankly I am in no mood." As she screwed the cover back on the tequila bottle "It is a beautiful day most of which I spend having mind blowing sex with a guy who looks like he walked off a Calvin Klein billboard."

Addison looking Amelia square in the eyes and said "Amelia, I am worried about you, and you are in trouble."

"If this is trouble Addie you should try it." She said with a smirk.

"Amy, we are family and family looks out for each out and I care about." Addison tries to plead with Amelia who was not having any of it.

"Well consider yourself off the hook. We stopped being family when you slept with my brother's best friend while you were still married." As stood up and began to walk back into the house just as Ryan was coming out. "Come on Ryan we are leaving." As she grabbed his hand and lead in back into the house.

Addison just turned in frustration and anger. She had failed and pushed Amelia even further away, at a time when she needed the people that loves her. She didn't know what to do. Amelia had turned down help once again, and this time she was a teenager so her mother could not force into a treatment program, like she had done once before. Of course it had failed because Amelia was not ready to get clean, but it had made the family feel like they were at least helping her a little bit. Addison left Amelia's pouch and when home to call Michelle and inform her of what when happen and Amelia complete refusal to get help.

A few days later Amelia and Ryan had settled into a hotel room that allowed them some privacy. No one was going to try and change them or tell them it was wrong. Amelia was going thru all their stuff looking for some pills she was starting to come down and needed a fix. Ryan came out of the bathroom were he had just finishing a shower.

"Do you have any more pills?" Amelia asked.

"No, I am tapped out" as he wrapped his arms around her and began to kiss her neck, but Amelia was in no mood. The only thing she wanted was some more pills. "Can you right a new script, this is L.A. there must be a twenty-four pharmacy around here." Ryan said trying to reassure Amelia

"I can't we finished the pad, yesterday." Well stated as she ran her hands thru her greasy hair in frustration.

"Looks like the party is over babe." He said as he tried to kiss her neck again.

This time Amelia pushed him away; she grabbed her jacket and made her way to the door. "It's not over till I say it is."

Amelia walked straight into the practice and made her way to her office not bothering to turn on a light. She had just opened her desk drawers were she kept her prescription pads. She stuffed a couple of her prescription pads in to jacket pocket when a flashlight shone on face, when she heard "freeze LAPD" coming from her door way.

"I'm a doctor here, this is my office. I am Doctor Amelia Shepherd. "She shouted out in panic. For the first time in weeks she was worried about her medical license.

"Sure you are ma'am, I going need you come out here and show me some id. "The officer asked rudely.

"Well…"Then Amelia panic again, she didn't have any id, she had left the hotel room in such a hurry she left her wallet in the room, quickly coming up with a lie. " I lost my id, I was just thought I would look here for." she began to exit her office following the police officers instructions.

"So you can to look for your id at two in the morning, why didn't you wait till the morning?" the officer asked not believing Amelia story one bit.

'I am heading out of town tomorrow, and was on my way out of town now. But I swear to you I am Doctor Amelia Shepherd. Go into my office and check you will see degrees from Harvard and Columbia on the wall." Hoping the officer would believe he, which they did not.

"Ma'am I am going to ask you once again to come and have a seat in the lobby.

After sitting in the lobby surrounded by to police officers for what felt like an eternity the elevator doors opened and out stepped Michelle. The first thing that Michelle saw was her baby sister surrounded by two of L.A finest. "I am Doctor Michelle Shepherd-Parker and I am on call for the practice." As she pulled out her office id to show to the police.

"Ma'am the silent alarm when off." one of the officers began to explain.

"I told them who I am but they won't listen "Amelia said as she got up and began to explain Michelle.

One officer began to explain "she didn't have any id on her, so we need you to verify her identity and that she actually works here." Amelia tried to plead with her eyes to Michelle to cover for her. Michelle could understand why the police officers didn't believe her sister's story.

"This is Doctor Amelia Shepherd." Michelle said.

"Just like I said" Amelia said giving the officer an attitude.

"I'm sorry for the trouble and I can take from here." Michelle could not believe that she was protecting for her sister once again, but as her older sister she felt like she needs to protect her.

"Sorry for the misunderstanding." one of the officers said as they got on the elevator.

Once the elevator doors closed Michelle asked "what did you steal?"

Scoffing at her sister "spare me the drama Michelle; I was signing some forms for Madison last time I was here. I got a call from the school saying that I didn't turn in her permission slip to go on some weekend trip and if didn't get into today, she would not be able to go." She explained just then Michelle made a move and reached forward to Amelia's right side pocket.

"What the hell are you doing!" she yelled as she swatted Michelle hand away.

"Cut the crap Amy, and give me your prescription pad. I know that is why you came here. So you can your prescription like you used to with Ma's!" as she held her hand.

Amelia reluctantly pulled out her prescription pad. "It's mine I didn't do anything wrong" Amelia stated.

"How many prescriptions were gonna write tonight?" Michelle asked just then the elevator dinged to let them know it had returned to the floor.

"Screw up Michelle." Amelia yelled.

Just then Michelle grabbed her sister's arm. "You are not going anywhere!"

"What is your plan Michelle? You gonna call the cops because I am pretty sure they were just here and you said you would handle it, so handled it." Amelia told her sister as she made her way to the elevator.

However Michelle was able to get between Amelia and the elevator. "You don't see what happening. You can't… Please let me help you' Michelle begged fearing for her sister's life.

"Get out of my way!" She said has she finally pushed passed her sister. "And stay of my life." As she angrily pushed the lobby button on the elevator panel. Just as the door was closing Amelia reached in to her pocket and pulled out her prescription pad and triumphantly held it out so Michelle could see it. Once the doors closed Michelle knew what she had to do, she reached into her own pocket and pulled out her cell phone. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Once I again I used some dialogue from the show so the credit goes to the writers. Sorry so such a long wait but I sprained my hand and was unable to type. **

Ever since Addison received Michelle's phone call she had been on edge. There. Was not a doubt in her mind that Amelia needed to go to rehab and the sooner the better? The only problem was that Amelia was in no place to ask for their help, let alone accept it. They needed to do something, because without any sort of help Amelia would die.

Several days later everyone at the practice were discussing what to do with Amelia.  
>"We need to do something!" exclaimed Sheldon we cannot just hang around while she kills herself!"<br>"Sheldon, we all agree that we need to do something but you she has to want to get clean, and wants are help." Violet responded in a very therapeutic voice.  
>"She is in no position to ask for it, she could be dead right now for all we know!"<br>"Sheldon, we know but before we do anything, we need to find her." Violet responded.  
>"The question is once we find her what do we do? Because she is not listening to anyone of us at the moment?" Charlotte asked.<br>"I say we call in the big guns, and get my mother and Kate out here. Amy has a special connection with Kate, Kate was always the one of us that made the most progress when she was first using and my mother is a force nature, she will know what to do." Michelle told the group. "I am going to go call them right now." And with that she left the room and she left the room and went to call her mother and sister.

The next day Michelle waited at L.A.X. for her mother and sister flight to arrive. She soon spotted the across the sea of people in the busy terminal. Once she saw then she yelled out "Ma! Kate!" And waved her arms in an attempting to get their attention. As she was exchanging a tenor hug with her mother said " you didn't need to pick us up, we could hopped on a bus and saved you some time."  
>"Thank you for picking us up." Kate whispered in her sister's ear, grateful that she didn't have to ride the bus as she hugged her sister.<p>

The three Shepherd women exchanged pleasantries, as they made their way to Michelle's car. Once inside the car " so I was thinking that we could stop by the practice and come up with a game plan, because the biggest problem is that she went off the grid no one has seen her in ten days. Since the night I caught her with her prescription pad." Michelle said.  
>"She will show up, she always shows up. She used to do this all the time when she was using. She would she would disappear for a couple days then show up like nothing had happened." Carolyn said with confidents and a hint of sadness in her voice. " Mark my words she will show up."<p>

Then Carolyn announced "Michelle, Kate and I have come up with an idea on the plane to help get Amelia into rehab, but it is risky. We won't follow thru with it if you are against it because it could make everything worst. I need you to really think about because if I can't do it we need you to step up and follow thru.

Back at the practice Addison paced nervously in the lobby. "I get that you are worry about Amelia, but what has got you so jittery?" Charlotte asked.  
>"I have not seen Amelia and Michelle's mother since before Derek found out about my affair with Mark Sloan. And I was never her favorite person to begin with."<br>"I have heard the way both Amelia and Michelle talk about their Momma. It all 'we have an awesome kick ass mother', she can't be that bad. Plus it been years since you and Derek got divorce. And didn't Michelle say that he is now happily married to that chick Meredith. Charlotte said in hopes of reassuring Addison and calming her down.  
>" She is a great mom, who loves her kids but if one of them is hurt or hurting she turns in to a mama bear."<br>"she can't be that bad?"  
>"One year at Thanksgiving she accused me of trying to kill everyone." Addison said trying to make her point.<br>"What?"  
>" she broke her wrist the day before Thanksgiving, so Derek being the knight in shining armor that he is invited thirty four people over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner. Knowing that I had never cooked a turkey a day in my life."<br>" so you ruined Thanksgiving dinner."  
>"It gets worst, and I ended up giving Amelia salmonella, she was in the hospital for three days. That when she accused me of trying to kill everyone." Addison said still clearly upset about the events of what came to be known as 'the hot dog thanksgiving' in the Shepherd family.<br>" How old was Amelia?"  
>"I think she had just turn thirteen."<br>"It all make sense now."  
>"What makes sense now?" Addison asked generally confused.<br>"Well last year she was trying to decide between staying here or going back home. But the minute she heard you were cooking dinner; she booked a flight to New York.  
>But before Addison could respond the elevator doors opened and the three shepherd women stepped out. After reviving a hug from her former sister in law, Carolyn wrapped Addison in to a big hug. This surprised Addison while she was married to Derek Carolyn was never directly mean to her and was always kind. " It is nice to see you again. I wish that it was under better circstances ."<br>Carolyn was giving a tour of the practice and met with all of Amelia and Michelle's co-workers. Once introductions were made they all sat down and began to come up with a game plan.  
>"I think we need to stage an intervention" said Michelle<p>

After a few days of being confined to the love nest that she and Ryan had created in their recent hotel room, she began to reflect on previous events. Looking at the nightstand for the remote, she spied some pills laying on the nightstand. She turned the TV on to catch the morning news after taking the pills. A few moments after listening to the newscaster and the peppy attitude she was having, Amelia decided it was time return to work. Amelia got dressed for work and deciding against waking Ryan up she left him a short note.

As she stood in the elevator she took the time to collect herself she was going to have make her coworkers believe she was sober. Once the elevator doors opened she stepped off of the elevator.  
>"Hey Coop" she greeted Cooper as she passed the receptionist. She contuied down the hall she heard Addison voice ring out "Amelia?"<br>She kept on walking. "I will be back Addie I have news" she answered back.  
>Amelia walked in to the kitchen and saw that everyone else was on the kitchen, But kept walking towards the coffee pot, she could feel all of them staring at her as she pour herself a cup of coffee. "What? So I took the last of coffee I will make a new pot." Just then Sheldon came out of now where and gave her a great bear hug.<br>"Sheldon... okay Sheldon" Amelia said as she tried to escape Sheldon's hug. She looks around at everybody stunned face. "What do you guys know already was Ryan here already or something ... I'm engaged!" Just then Addison walked right over to Amelia and slapped her in the face.  
>"What the hell was that for?"<br>"We thought you were dead!" Sam responded first.  
>" I miss a couple days of work and suddenly I am dead."<br>" No one has seen you in two weeks Amelia." Carolyn said as she entered the kitchen followed by two of her other daughters Kate and Michelle. We have been worried sick about you.  
>"Two weeks?" Amelia was stunned she could not believe that it had been two weeks."<br>"Amelia what are you on? Charlotte asked sympathical  
>"I am not on anything."<br>"Amelia what are you on?" But this this it was not Charlotte asking it was her mother demanding.  
>In that moment Amelia knew that they all knew that she was using and went into survival mode. "Your right I was using... I slipped but Ryan caught me… he saved me... he said there is partying and then there what I was doing. So he dragged to a meeting ... many meeting in fact, I can't believe it had been two weeks, I am so sorry. You all must have been so worried. Ma, I am so sorry that you had to come out here… but that what I have been doing going to meeting and getting right with my higher power and just been sober all the time."<br>"So you are okay?" Michelle asked as she gave her little sister a hug.  
>"Yeah I'm okay I it's going to take two to three meetings days for as long as it takes but I am good… I swear. And with that she pulled away for her sister's hug."<br>"We were so worried about you "Kate said as she replaced Michelle and gave Amelia a hug.  
>" I know thank you for worrying. But you didn't need to Ryan. Save me. I mean he helped." Amelia said as she pulled away from her sister." Now apparently, I have a lot of work to catch up on. So I will talk to you guys later. As she grabbed her coffee and made a quick exit for the kitchen.<br>"Well that's a relief" Addison exclaimed.  
>"I know. "Sam said as he took a sip of his coffee.<br>"You realize she is lying right?" Carolyn announced.  
>"What do you mean? She seemed okay to me." Cooper told the group"<br>"That is because you are not an addict. You don't know the games." Charlotte told the group.  
>"She didn't seen strung out too me." Cooper said.<br>"You'd be surprised at how adept an addict can be at hiding at hiding their addiction." Jake offers to the conversation.  
>Charlotte nodding her head in agreement "I agree with Jake she is hiding something"<p>

"She is a master of manipulation, and an even a better liar." Carolyn told the group. "There is no way Ryan got her to stop using, her own daughter was unable to convince her to get clean. She played us in New York when she asked Kate for the buprenorphine."

"I think it time for the intervention." Kate told the group, 'it clear to me that Amelia does not realizes how much trouble she is in."

Amelia hid in her office from everyone until she was able to sneak out just after lunch time. After all it was only a matter of time until her lies began to fall thru and everyone realizes she is lying.

The next Amelia decided to return to work in order to keep up appearances, which she instantly regretted the moment the elevators doors opened.

Addison was waiting by the doors. "Amelia can we talk to you." She said the moment she stepped off the elevator.

"Who is we?" Amelia asked as she turned to face the lobby which was not only filled with her co-workers but all of her siblings, her mother, and Dr. Maguire. "Hello." She said as greeted the group.

"Hi Amelia," said as Dr. Maguire stepped forward "Everybody here cares about you and they'd like you to stay and listen to what they have to said. Will you do that?"

"An intervention? " Amelia began to yell as she backed up back toward the elevator "I don't have time for this I have things to do today." As she franticly pushed the elevator door as she tried to make her escape.

"Amelia, everybody gathered here is here; because they are worried about you can you stay and listen to them?" Dr. Maguire asked Amelia.

"It's Doctor Shepherd, and I know how an intervention works. You're not the one who talks you are just the party planner, one of you has to have the balls to say something. Any of you have anything to say to me..." not giving anyone time to speak "That what I thought. Great Intervention. I have been intervened on." As the elevator doors opened and she got in. "I will see you tomorrow."

Just then Derek raced over to the elevator doors to stop them from closing. "I not letting you leave Amy."

Amelia hear the group bicker behind her has she started to throw a fit in the elevator and pounding on the back wall. She heard Addison say "she's upset. She has a right to be upset."

"Amelia get off the elevator." Her mother told her speaking up for the first time since Amelia had arrived.

"Screw both of you." She said has she pointed her finger at her Mother and Derek.

"If you don't get off the elevator I will fire you." Addison said throwing down the ultimatum

"Then I quit." Amelia responded.

"Amelia, get off the elevator or I'll call the cops on you" Michelle said firmly.

"And tell them what."

"That you have been using you prescription pad for your own personal use." Michelle proclaimed.

"So." Amelia shouted at the group.

Then Carolyn stepped forward and calmly announced "Amelia if you don't get off this elevator I will call the department of children services and sue for custody of Madison."

"You wouldn't dare" Amelia gritted her teeth as she threatened her mother.

"Are you willing to take the risk of losing your daughter?" Carolyn asked her youngest daughter.

"Okay, fine I will stay in the office. Are you happy now?" she declared as she stormed past the group and into her office and slammed the door.

A couple of hours had passed and unfortunately the only the progress that had been made was the fact that Amelia confirmed that she was still using. She was also able to manipulate the group into giving her oxy. "I do worry about that; I worry about that a lot actually." She responded to Charlotte speech about how one day if she kept using she could hurt someone.

Just then Derek who had for the most part remained quiet, as he was struggling with the amount pain his baby sister was in got up and crossed the room and then knelt in front of Amy "Just give us thirty days to get you clean and sober. Kate has found a wonderful rehab center that has bed open for you. Then you can come back and begin again with a clean slate"

"That sounds wonderful." She bawled out as her voice broke 'but I don't think I can."

"I know you can Amy, I have faith in you." Derek said as he tried to reassure her.

"Amelia, you can do this, I know you can." Nancy asserted, following Derek's lead and knelt in front of Amelia.

"I don't think I can do, it is too hard." As she continued to bawl.

"Yes, you can! Nancy continued. "We'll help you. All of us, it is what older siblings are supposed to do. Ma has already packed you a bag, you just have to say yes" As Michelle and Kate joined Nancy and Derek in front of Amelia.

"I can't"

"Yes you can Amy; it is a really great rehab facility Kate made sure of it. And they have a bed waiting for you." Derek repeated. 'and it right on the ocean so you can go surfing, I know how much you like riding the waves." Derek's little joke got a slight smile of out of Amelia.

Amelia sniffled and caught her breathe before asking "Will you come with me?"

"I will do everything I can to help during this time I promise you Amy." Derek told her. Amelia lean back in her chair and caught her breathe again. Everyone in the room could sense that she had made up her mind and was going to accept their help. However just then the elevator doors open and out steps Ryan. All the work and progress they had made that morning was lost.

Amelia was too wrapped in Ryan to notice the argument going on behind them about helping Ryan to get clean.

Just then Nancy notices the watch that Ryan was wearing, and confronted Amelia. "You gave him Dad's watch. You stole this from Ma; did you even stop and think about how that would make her feel?"

"Leave me alone, it is his engagement present." Amelia yelled back.

"Let's everybody clam down" Dr. Maguire said as she tried to kept control of the situation.

"What is the significance of the watch? Violet asked Amelia.

"It is just a watch." Amelia answered Violet.

"Amelia?" Violet egged Amelia on.

"My mom gave to my dad for their Anniversary one year."

"That is not the significance."

"Addison" Derek say stepping forward know that the retelling of their father murder was not the best thing to do at the moment.

But Addison ignoring Derek's warning kept going. "Two men came into their father's store when she was five -"

"Shut up!" Amelia screamed as she launches herself towards Addison only to be held back by Ryan. "You do not tell that story! If you ever tell that story I will strangle you with my bare hands!" she screamed at Addison, before collapsing into Ryan's arms sobbing "I want to go." Ryan very quickly ushered her into the elevator.

Back in the safety of their hotel room. "I have never been around someone like you before. All those people care about you. No one has ever tried to save me like that, before. Maybe you should listen to them. If I died no one would really care, but if you died you would hurt a lot people."

"I would care if you die, I love you. I want to have a life with you"

"I want to have that too, I also want to have children with you, but in able to do that we need to be clean. My father was a coke head and I won't do that to my kids."

"Are you asking me to get clean with you?" Amelia asked excitedly.

"Let's get sober together." Ryan said.

They began to make plans to start their lives over together. But then Ryan saw a stash of pills on the bedside table. "How about one last time?"

"I don't know?" Amelia said, as much as she wanted them she knew it was a bad idea.

"Your right." Ryan agreed as he stood up and began to walk into the bathroom to flush them.

But just then Amelia had a change of heart and called out "Ryan, one last time."

"One last time." Ryan said as he began to prepare the drugs.

Several hours later Amelia came too. She had passed out from the pills. She rolled over and put her head on Ryan chest. It took her a few seconds to realize something was off. Something was very wrong; she could not hear Ryan's heartbeat. "Ryan!" she screamed out in agony over and over again.

Soon the police and the coroner office had arrived. One of the police officer is trying to ask Amelia some questions but she is too distracted to answer any of them. As the men from the coroner's office begin to remove Ryan's body she stops them. She removes her father's watch before sitting down on the bed. She heard the police officer ask her if there is any one he can call for her. "Call Dr. Michelle Shepherd-Parker, tell her I am ready to go to rehab."


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey Guys, **

**Sorry about the long wait, but I hope you enjoy it. As always if you have any questions and comments please send them my way. I will gladly answer them. **

**~Henley**

Chapter 18

Amelia paced the hallway outside of her therapist office; she had just come from her morning group therapy session. As Amelia paced she noticed Clyde bringing a new patient back to begin the intake process. It was strange to think that had been her only twenty-four days earlier. With that realization she slid down the wall and began to fiddle with her medical bracelet which reminded her that she has thirty-six more days left in her treatment plan. When her family had found out that Ryan had died from a fatal overdose they all agreed that Amelia would benefit from a longer stay in rehab. Amelia was so defeated that for once in her life she didn't put up a fight and agreed with her family.

After being left alone sitting on what looked like new carpet with only her thoughts as her company for about five minutes, her therapist Dr. Richards opened his door. Looking down at her was a tall stalky man with a scruffy looking beard. He wasn't dressed in the typical therapist attire of a suit and an obnoxious tie that he normally wears. He wore a simple outfit of dark washed jeans and a polo shirt. Amelia found this odd, but decided to put the judgmental thoughts aside and save the questions and comments for later.

"Amelia, sorry about the wait, why don't you come on in" he said inviting her in.

"Have a seat." He told her has he shut his office door. Once they had both sat down in the oversized chairs, Dr. Richards asked "so the big day is coming up; how are you feeling?"

"That is your go to question, isn't it? You shrinks always want to know how and or what your patients are feeling." She began to ramble, trying to avoid the question.

"It is, but that does not answer my question. How are you feeling today?" Dr. Richards asked.

"And what big day are you referring to?" Amelia asked continuing to avoid the forbidden question, continuing to ponder his outfit selection for this session. She began to let her mind wander, why he was dressed down today? It was unlike him not to wear a tie, she knew this because last week, the facility held a fundraiser where the staff could wear jeans for a day if they donated a dollar, and even then Dr. Richards wore a tie.

"Amelia…" Dr. Richards said sternly, in hopes of bringing her back on topic.

"Are you talking about my thirtieth birthday or my family therapy session that is coming up?" once again with Amelia asking the questions.

"That depends…" Dr. Richards began.

"That depends on what? my birthday tomorrow? Oh, and by the way, your choice of attire you're wearing for this session is very distracting." Amelia informed the psychiatrist.

Dr. Richards just looked at her and shook his head with a smirk on his face. Choosing to ignore her comments, he repeated his question he was used to patient trying to dodge his questions. "That depends on the issue you feel is more important to discuss with me at this time."

"Does that mean we really have to discuss my thirtieth birthday coming up?" Amelia jokingly asked

"We can discuss either one if you want to, it's more important that you discuss what you're feeling." Amelia got up and began to pace again, "it is okay if you are nervous to see your family. You haven't had any contact with them since your intervention, right?"

"I… uh … talked with my mother a couple weeks ago to invite her to the family session, but other than that, I have had no other contact."

"So what I had planned for today is for us to spend either part or all of today's session going over what you should expect during the family session. Also, I have received the final list of your family and friends that are coming so we can start brainstorming what you want to say to your family and what you hope to achieve with them. If that is sounds reasonable to you?"

"How about showing me that list?" asked Amelia. Dr. Richards handed over the list. As Amelia looked over the list, she was surprised at the some names she saw. She knew her mother would come along with her coworkers but upon seeing ALL of her siblings names; she was caught off guard. It was not very often the whole family got together due to everyone's busy schedules. After finishing with the list of confirmed attendants, she handed the list back to Dr. Richards and Amelia moved on to the itinerary for the day.

"Why don't you take a look at the bottom of the page?" Dr. Richard addressed Amelia. "In an earlier session you told me how important your co-workers were to you that they were like family. Unfortunately most of them were unable to attend the morning session, so I took the liberty of scheduling a group therapy session for your coworkers in the evening. I hope that is okay with you?"

Amelia was touched by this gesture, one of her main concerns since she had arrived at Pacific Serenity Treatment Center was the relationship that she had and wanted to continue to have with her coworkers.

"that is perfect, thank you."

"I don't want Madison in the morning session, she is too young to witness and or know what I have done and still continue to go thru!"

"It is important for you to learn how to communicate with your daughter. If it would make you feel more comfortable, we could possibly set up a private session with the two of you, enabling you to control which information you feel comfortable sharing with her at this stage in both your lives."

"If you think that's the best way to go about it, sure why not." Amelia said as she settled back onto the overstuffed chair. As soon she had gotten comfortable again, Dr. Richards' phone rang. He ended up having to rush to take care of an emergent situation outside of the treatment center. Before he rushed out, he promised Amelia that they would finish their session later that afternoon. As he was walking out of the room Amelia realized she now had forty-five minutes of free time to herself. She decided to take a walk outside to see if she could find Hailey sitting on the beach.

They walked out of the office together; Amelia went in one direction as Dr. Richards rushed down the hallway in the opposite direction. Slowly walking down the hall toward the door that led outside she passed a group of people in a circle. The group was chanting. "Together, we're better! We're better together! No Drugs!" one of things she could not stand about rehab is the chanting, and at this facility they chanted A LOT, which annoyed Amelia to no end.

Amelia began to think about the things that she had already begun discussing with Dr. Richards. She was wondering how in the hell would she ever be able to face her daughter after everything that's happened so far. Amelia was walking down the hallway looking at the floor as she was replaying the conversation that she would have with her daughter over and over again.

After sitting with Hailey on the beach for a while, they both headed inside to eat some lunch. After finishing lunch they both headed down to their room for the materials they might need for their afternoon group session. All Amelia could still think about was what she was going to talk to Dr. Richards about again in the session she was supposed to have with him in a couple hours regarding her upcoming session with all her family session. Throughout the group session she was very withdrawn from what was going on; she had way too many thoughts going through her mind. For the last couple of sessions Amelia had withdrawn from the group and was not engaged in the sessions. She knew that it was a matter of time before she was called out on this.

"Alright that seems like a good place to stop for the day." Dana announced to the group "Let's finish up today with a prayer. So take the hand of the person next to you in the circle." On Dana's instruction everyone grab the hand of the person next to them. Dana then led the group in the Serenity Prayer. Together everybody recited the prayer so their voices filled the room "God, grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Amelia left the room and started walking down the hall towards Dr. Richards's office. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved they were having another session today or annoyed. As she dragged herself down the hallway she heard a faint voice behind her.

"Mom?" Madison said quietly.

Amelia got a dumbfounded look on her face and quickly turned around to realize that Madison was at the treatment center.

"Mom!" Madison screamed excitedly as she ran down the hall towards Amelia and jumped into her mother's arms.

"What are you doing here? How did you get here? Are you alone? Why aren't you at school?" Amelia blurted out so fast that her daughter just looked at her like her mom had three heads. All Madison wanted to do was see her mom and just give her a hug. Amelia just couldn't believe that her daughter was there. She looked around frantically wondering how the Hell her daughter got here, and then she saw her own mother walk around the corner. Although her mom was not alone, she was walking with Belinda the woman that worked at the front desk. As soon as Belinda realized that they have found the person they were looking for she quickly turned around and headed back to her desk after saying "Amelia, why don't you show them the visitors lounge." Amelia just stared at her mom then quickly looked at the ground embarrassed that her mom and her daughter had to see her in this atmosphere. Amelia ran her fingers thru her hair

"I … uh… I have to go. You have go…" and she turned around and began to bolt but stop after she realized what she said.

"I … uh… have… a meeting." As she offered up an explication, she then turned to walk away Madison hurried down the hallway to catch up with mom. Carolyn stood back and watched the interaction between her daughter and her grand-daughter.

"Mom, I wanted to come and visit with you. Can't you reschedule your meeting?" Maddie asked as she grabbed her mother.

"No Madison, I can't just reschedule this meeting. I really can't do this now. I have to go. I'm so sorry. " as she pushed her daughter away, she was not ready to face her yet. Amelia began walking down the hallway towards Dr. Richards' office leaving her daughter standing in the middle of the hallway with tears running down her face.

"Mom… Come on... Please!" Madison pleaded with a disappointed tone.

"I'm so sorry I can't be late, I have to go." Amelia kept walking down the hall until she reached the turn to head down the counseling wing.

Carolyn stepped forward and put her arm around Madison "Sweetie, we knew that there was a strong possibility that we would not able to see your mom today. She is on a very strict schedule here with rules that she has to follow it if she wants to get better. You want her to get better don't you? We will come back tomorrow during visiting hours and we can visit with her then. How about we go back to your aunt's house and round everybody up and go get something to eat?" Carolyn offered as she put her arm around her young granddaughter to help directed Maddie to the doors that exit the treatment center.

Amelia quickly walked down the hall and did not stop walking until she reached Dr. Richards' office. She stood at the door for a minute, and took a deep breath before knocking. She felt relieved when Dr. Richards opened the door.

Amelia woke up early the next morning after a night of tossing and turning. She could not stop thinking about what she was going to say to Madison and also her mother the following day. They didn't have to tell Amelia they were coming back today, but Amelia then again knew how her family was. What if more of her family decided to come? She did not think that she would be able to handle all of them, without Dr. Richards being present and mediating the discussion with her family. Amelia looked at the clock; curfew was still in effect for another ten minutes, which meant she was still confined to her room.

Once the ten minutes were up she wondered down to the cafeteria and grabbed a bagel before heading out to the beach. She causally ate her bagel as she got ready to go surfing. The facility always has an attendant supervising the beach in the mornings and during free times. This allows residents to go surfing. Surfing was an outlet for Amelia. She found this was the best way that she could clear her head. However, today didn't seem to be one of those days. Amelia got lost in her thoughts, not realizing that she had floated out of bounds; allowing her to not hear Gavin yelling at her warning her that she was out of bounds and needed to come back. She had no idea what was happening until Gavin came out on his own board and told that she needed to head in and that her time surfing was over for the day. Once they both reached land he informed her that due to this infraction of following the rules that after her morning session of group counseling she needed to meet Dr. Richards to face disciplinary action.

Amelia was fuming all thru out the meeting, barely speaking. When Dana, the counselor was in charge of Amelia's daily group therapy session, asked her any questions she gave snappy one word remarks. The therapy session was dismissed ten minutes before visiting hours were to begin. However, Dana asked Amelia if she had a few minutes to stay after. Even though Amelia knew she didn't have a choice, she said she could stay after to talk.

"Amelia, I notice that you have not been opening up as much as the rest of the group lately." Dana said with concern.

"I open up… and share plenty" Amelia said with an attitude that did her no favors.

"Not in here you don't. I would like to remind you, what you get out of the program here is exactly what you put in it."

"Is that all? Are we done here?" In a tone of voice that reminded Dana of a bratty teenager she once had in one of her counseling groups.

"Yes, you can go. But I want you to do a journal entry tonight about why you are here and what you hope to get out of this program." Dana said assigning Amelia with homework.

"Fine! If that will make you happy." as Amelia got up out of her chair she angrily stormed out of the group therapy room.

"Amelia, remember it works, if you work it, It's worth it!" Dana recited one of her favorite mantras loudly as Amelia turned rolling her eyes and left the room.

As she walked through the door not looking where she was going, she almost walked right into Gavin.

"GREAT! Now what do you want?" She angrily asked Gavin.

"I'm here to escort you to Dr. Richards' office." He calmly told her.

"Awesome!" has she threw her hands up in the air. She however, followed him obediently. Once they reached the counseling wing, Gavin pointed to a group of chairs and told her to go have a seat. Dr. Richards would be with her in few minutes, before he entered Dr. Richards office As Amelia waited, she saw Dana knock on Dr. Richards' door and entered the office as well. There was no doubt in her mind that Dana, Gavin and Dr. Richards were discussing her and her recent behavior. They were probably also talking about how her progress had not only plateaued but seemed as she was beginning to digress.

For the second time in as many days, Carolyn and Madison arrived at Pacific Serenity Treatment Center, in hopes of seem Amelia. Although this time, they were joined by Nancy and Kate. Carolyn walked up to the front desk.

"Good Morning, we are here to see my daughter Amelia Shepherd." She told Clyde who was covering the desk for Belinda who was on a break.

"Okay… Let me just check to see where she is right now." Clyde did a quick search of his computer. "Alright, she is not available at the moment, but if you want to have a seat over in the waiting area, I can bring you back when she is available." Clyde offered before he began checking in the visitors to the center. Once Carolyn provided the information Clyde needed, he handed her four visitor badges. "Please have the badges on your person and in a visible place at all times while you are here." Clyde recited in a goofy manner.

"Thank you" said Carolyn as she walked over the Madison and her two eldest daughters. She explained to them that Amelia was not available and that they would let them know when she was and bring them back to see her as she handed out the visitor's badges, to which they all quickly clipped them to their shirts.

"You told me that visiting hours began at 11:00 am Grandma, how come can't we see her now?" Maddie complained as she adjusted her bright orange visitors badge.

"I don't know maybe one of her sessions is running late or something. But as soon as she is free, like I said, Clyde would bring us back. For now, we just need to be patient and wait." Carolyn told her granddaughter as she picked up an outdated Time magazine. Nancy got up and strolled around, as she had just spent eight hours on a plane and needed to stretch her legs.

"It probably nothing to worry about, sometimes if a patient is making good progress in this type of environment, they will extend the session, or they are just running a little late." Kate said flatly as she flipped thru an older magazine.

She walked over to a window that looked into the counseling wing. "Hey Ma, isn't that Amy," upon noticing a younger dark hair women slumped in a chair by herself thru the window. Madison leaped up from the chair where she had planted herself and raced over to look out that window with her aunt.

"It is. That's my Mom, why is she just sitting there?" she asked her aunt.

"I don't know, but it looks like she is trouble, like when she was younger and was sent to the principal's office." Nancy said trying to be funny.

"I'm sure she's not in any trouble!" Carolyn said as she put down the magazine she was reading and out of curiosity she joined her family. "Actually Nancy, I think you might be right. I saw that look every time she was called in to the office at school to have a meeting with Sister Siobhan." Carolyn told the group has she remembered all the times she was called to have a meeting with Amelia's school principal.

Amelia was growing restless waiting to talk with Dr. Richards. After being left alone for about five minutes, Amelia watched as Dana and Gavin exited Dr. Richards' office. Dr. Richards stood in in his doorway looking at Amelia, "Amelia, why don't you come in now" as he waved his hand to beckon her into his office.

Amelia slumped into one of the oversized chairs, with a pissed off look on her face. Amelia stared at Dr. Richards refusing to speak. After a few minutes of dead silence, Dr. Richards broke the silence. "Amelia … I am guessing you know why you are here right now."

"yes." she whispered.

"I'm sorry, I could not hear you."

"I said yes" but this time she yelled it. Not only could Dr. Richards hear her loud and clear, but if there was anyone walking by the door; they definitely heard it too.

"Alright why don't we take a deep breath and calm down. Once you've calmed yourself down, you can explain to me your decision making this morning out on the water." He said over his pad of paper. Amelia decided to humor him and took a deep breath. Dr. Richards could see that Amelia was not going to be uncooperative and unwilling to work with him today. This behavior was something that was becoming more of a habit; she had reached a plateau in her progress. "Well let's start with what happened at the beach. What were you thinking about?" Amelia just looked down at the ground. "I just want to let you know that I had an early lunch and have no other patients for the next couple of hours so I can sit here and wait until you're ready to speak with me. I will sit here with you, even if it's in complete silence. Just listen to the ticking of the clock, tick-tock-tick-tock.." The silence continued.

"Alright, fine! I wasn't paying any attention to where I was. I was lost in my own thoughts; I wasn't trying to escape or anything." She said finally breaking.

"What were you thinking about?" He asked in hopes prodding Amelia along.

"I don't know…" Amelia answered not really wanting to share her thoughts.

"Amelia…" Dr. Richard said sternly. Although he could see that she was trying to be cooperative, she was just struggling with coming forward with the truth.

"You were thinking about your daughter, weren't you?" The psychiatrist guessed. Amelia inhaled sharply and simply nodded her head.

"What about your daughter?"

"How am I supposed to face her again… how I can be the mother she needs me to be? I've let her down. How am I supposed to take care of her, when I can barely take care of myself? On the night that she was born, I vowed to her that I would NEVER do drugs again. But, here I sit in your office, in rehab once again and I know that I've let her down." She yelled, throwing a decorative pillow across the room.

"That was some good work you just did getting that out in the open. I am not going to lie to you. You did let her down when you started using, but like you said you are here in rehab. You made the decision to get clean and sober for your daughter. You are trying to make it up to her, there are some addicts that don't even try, but you are trying and that is something." The doctor encouraged.

"Are we done yet?" Amelia asked just wanting to be anywhere but sitting in this office.

"Not quite yet. We need to discuss your consequences, you broke the rules today. Part of your rehabilitation is learning how to live by society's rules again, and as you know every action has a reaction.

"Fine just spit it out so I can leave."

"Even though you did not mean to break the rules, your failure to pay attention did. Outside in the real world that could have some dangerous consequences and you need to learn that. With that being said, no surfing for one week."

"Fine! Is there anything else or am I free to go?" Amelia questioned rudely.

"Also if I were you, I would rethink your attitude and come back with a better one for the afternoon session. Trust me; you don't want to be in my office again for a second time today. You will not like the consequences. Do you understand?" Dr. Richards said sternly.

"Yes, sir!" she mockingly saluted him as she got up and went to the door. As Amelia exited her therapist's office she saw that Belinda was walking down the hall that woman was cheerful and Amelia just hoped she could somehow avoid her.

"Amelia, just the women I was looking for." She said.

"Why? You have a brain tumor that needs to be removed?" Amelia said to be a smart ass in a bitchy tone, however Belinda look totally confused.

"No… you actually have four visitors waiting for you in reception. Should I show them to the visiting lounge?"

"Yes. Do you mind telling them I will be with them in few minutes? Thank you." Amelia decided to take the long way to the visitors' lounge, which included a stop by her room to drop off her NA workbook and her journal. When Amelia opened the door to her room, she found her eighteen year old roommate finishing up a "homework assignment" that her own therapist had given her the day before.

"Hey where have you been? Did Dana really keep you that long?" she asked as she closed her journal and stood up.

"No, I got hauled down to Richards' office by Gavin." Amelia offered up as she organized her books.

"You know it almost lunch time. Do you want to see if we can sneak into the dining room early and try to get some of the good food before it is all gone?" Hailey asked.

"Can't, I've got some visitors today." Not offering up any more of an explanation. As she soon then left room she headed down the hall to meet up with her visitors. Amelia tried to think about whom the other two visitors were that were also waiting. She knew that her mother and daughter were part of the group. But she was unsure of the identity of the other two members. She hoped that Derek was one of them, hoping that her recent relapse had not strained their newly healed relationship. Not that she would admit it to anyone that she deeply missed Derek and his ostracism from her overdose had hurt her deeply. Growing up Derek was her favorite sibling. He always made time for her; he would even let her sleep in his bed when she had nightmares on the nights that their mother was working.

Belinda showed the quartet to the visitor's lounge. The lounge was decorated in calming earth tones of different shades of greens and browns. The room had several couches and chairs scattered around the room. They also offered areas for some privacy to the patients and their visitors if they wished to stay and sit in the lounge, or they could take them to the dining hall if it was open or take a walk around the grounds, if they wished.

Amelia paused just outside of the visitor's window to see who had made the journey today. Once she had seen who had come to visit with she could not help but be a little bit disappointed, she took a final deep breath to center herself before she entered the room. Of course the first person to reach he was Madison, giving her mother a great big bear hug. "Mom, I am so happy to see you. Happy Birthday, I have a present for you! But Grandma says that she didn't know if I would be able to give it to you, so it's at Aunt Michelle's house for when you get out." Madison was talking a mile minute. Amelia put on a fake smile. Once Madison had finished her spiel, her mother was next in line.

"Happy Birthday, you look fantastic, you're looking much healthier than the last time I saw you. I am so proud of you." Her mother whispered in her ear as she gave her youngest child a hug. Amelia then hugged each one of her older sisters. "Michelle wanted to be here, but she had a surgery then she is picking Derek up at the airport. But she told me to tell you 'she is very proud of you and she wished she could be here to wish you a happy birthday and she will see you tomorrow.'" Kate told Amy relaying Michelle's message.

"I don't know about you guys, but I haven't had lunch yet and they will close the dining room in an hour sooo… "Amelia began to proposition the idea of lunch.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea sweetie, why don't you lead the way?" Her mother responded.

"Clearly, since you have never eaten here before." Amelia muttered under her breath as she led the way to the dining room, only Kate had heard her and had to stifle a small laugh. Once they had reached the dining room Amelia pointed out each station and what they had. Once the group of five had chosen what they wanted to eat, they re-grouped and sat down to eat and catch up.

It was Madison doing most of the talking about what her mother had missed in her life for the past twenty-five days. Amelia was surprised at how well Madison was handling the situation, not many thirteen year olds could handle visiting a parent in rehab but sadly thanks to Colin, Madison had become used to it. Amelia was barley engaged with the conversation, only giving one word answers, nodding her head, and playing with her food. Half way thru the lunch period, Amelia watched as Hailey, got up from the table where she was sitting and begin to leave, however Amelia slyly waved Hailey over the table. Hailey departed from the group she was with and walked towards the table where Amelia was with her family.

"This is my roommate Hailey." Amelia said introducing Hailey to her family. The group was exchanging pleasantries for a few minutes, while Amelia and Hailey were having a silent conversation amongst themselves.

"Madison, they have a great ice cream selection here, I bet Hailey will show you where it is?" Amelia told Madison, hoping that she would take the bait, luckily she did. Once Madison was out of ear shot, Amelia leaned into the table, "I don't want Madison at the first family therapy session where I make my amends, she can attend the workshops, lectures, and maybe the afternoon session but I don't want her at the morning therapy session..."

"What!?" Kate asked interrupting Amelia "Why not? She should be there!"

"Because I am not comfortable with having her there, she's just a child; she doesn't need to hear all of you throwing every mistake I've ever made in my face. She also doesn't need to know the details of my past. And because I am her Mother and I say so!"

"Amy… Madison needs to be an integral part of your recovery if you want to stay clean and sober. That is what you want isn't it? You want to get clean and stay that way, right?" Kate questioned her sister making the therapist in her began to come out.

"It's Amelia. Only Derek is allowed to call me Amy." Amelia gritted her teeth in anger. "Of course that is what I want! I would not be here if I wasn't! And of course I know that Madison has to be an integral part of my recovery, I am not as stupid as you think I am."

"I never said you were!" Kate bickered back

"Girls enough" Carolyn interrupted and put her foot down and stopped the inevitable argument that was about to begin. Even though all her children were grown adults she still had that maternal power over her children.

"I set up a private session with Dr. Richards, for us for just this reason." Amelia said angrily. Just as Kate was about respond, Hailey and Maddie returned from the ice cream station.

"Mom, we got you some coffee ice cream, because I know it is you favorite!" her daughter said excitedly as she handed her dish.

"Thanks," Amelia said as she pulled her daughter into a hug and kissed her head. "I have to go, I have to go get ready for my afternoon sessions. I will see all of you tomorrow."

Amelia had made it halfway across the dining room to the door when her mother called out to her, "Amy!"

"What?" Amelia snapped at her only bothering to turn around and not walk back to her mother.

"Come here, I will not have a conversation with you across the room." Carolyn scolded her youngest child.

Amelia obediently walked back to the table where her mother was standing. Once Amelia reach where her mother was standing. "What?"

"Do you need anything?" her mother asked.

"Other than a decent cup of coffee, I am all set." Amelia told her mother.

"Maddie and I are staying at your house, so if think of anything, just give me a call, and I will bring it tomorrow okay, Sweetie?"

"Okay, can I go now? I don't want to be late?" Amelia requested impatiently.

"One more thing," Her mother pulled her into a hug and gave her kiss on the check. "I am so proud of what you are doing. I love you Amy. Now you may go." Carolyn replied dismissing Amelia.

With her mother's permission, **she left the dining room, leaving her mother and her sisters to break the news to Maddie about tomorrow.**

After another night of tossing and turning, Amelia woke up with a sense of dread. Today is the day she would face her family and friends. She would take accountability for her actions over the last six months. Amelia got up and walked over to her desk, turned on the desk light in order not to wake Hailey her still sleeping roommate. She picked up her daily journal from where she left it last night and moved it to the side to look at the schedule that Dr. Richards had giving her the other day. Her morning would be different then her normal schedule, her morning group meeting would be cut short; she would have a one last private meeting with Dr. Richards before she joined her family for a private session accompanied by Dr. Richards. Amelia had decided that it would be best to try to make her amends during this time. She hoped what she wanted to say would come to her before then because at the current moment she had no idea how to apologize. Most of her co-workers would be arriving after dinner their session. During the morning her family would be given a crash course in communication skills and steps they could take to help Amelia's reentry into the world. Then at ten thirty Amelia with the support of Dr. Richards, would make her amends to her family. After lunch, Amelia and Madison would have their private session then her family would join them for the afternoon session with Dana. Amelia took this time to try and prepare herself and calm her nerves. She tried to think back to the last time she was in rehab trying to remember if she was this nervous, she didn't think she was. Hailey began to stir in her bed, after a couple of minutes she sat up in bed and looked over to Amelia.

"I'm beginning to think you don't sleep." Hailey said jokingly to Amelia.

"I don't, I'm a surgeon. They actually teach us how not to sleep at Harvard." Amelia responded jokingly.

"I know you are nervous! You know you don't have to be so nervous, I met your family, and they're nice and understanding. They love you, unlike mine." Hailey said as she was staring out the window.

"Your family loves you; they just have a different way of showing it." Amelia said trying to reassure the young woman. Amelia looked at the clock, "we better get going, don't want to miss breakfast."

"I know It is the most important meal of the day, and you have a big day ahead of you can't face your family on an empty stomach"

Amelia and Hailey picked a table by one of side windows that overlooked the parking lot near the main entrance. Amelia watched as a dark blue SUV pulled into the parking lot, a tall dark haired man climbed out of the vehicle. Just then Hailey turned around to see what Amelia was looking at.

"He's cute, you think he's single? He's too old for me, but you might have a shot." Hailey said

"Ew… gross" was Amelia only response, as she watched a group of women climbed out of the dark blue SUV.

"Why? So what if you are a recovering addict with a teenager. He might be into that, you never know! You are a young, hot brain doctor; he might even wait the required year of no dating for you."

'Hailey, I am going stop you right there before you start planning our dream wedding. That guy you claim is 'oh so cute' is my older brother Derek." Amelia informed her roommate as she took a sip of her decaffeinated coffee wishing it was regular coffee.

"OHHH… well never mind then…" Hailey said as she ate her final spoonful of yogurt. She was also watching the rest of the Shepherd family get out of the van.

"It is like a clown car, they just keep coming! How many people did you invite?" she asked out of interest.

"My mother, my siblings and my daughter; my coworkers are coming by after dinner" Amelia answered casually as a watched a black BMW pull into the parking lot. Out stepped a tall red-headed woman. Well this is going to get awkward, she thought to herself.

"So exactly how many siblings do you have anyway?" Hailey ask has she picked up her plates to them to the kitchen.

"I have three older sisters and of course Derek." Amelia followed suit and brought her dishes to the as well.

"Wow that is a lot. But, you're the only doctor, so that got to be something right?" Hailey asked as they were leaving the dining room and heading to the group therapy room for their morning meeting.

"No. We're all doctors. Going to medical school in my family is not that big of a deal in my family." Amelia explained.

"…but you are the only neurosurgeon." Hailey back peddled trying to make the best out of bad situation

"But I am not, Derek is also a neurosurgeon." Amelia divulged.

"So who did I meet yesterday, I know I met your mother and daughter…" Hailey questioned Amelia.

"You met my older sisters Nancy and Kate."

"And what kind of doctors are they?" Hailey inquired out of interest.

"Well, Nancy is OB/GYN and Kate is a therapist. You haven't met my sister Michelle yet, but she is a plastic surgeon." Amelia responded to the younger women hoping that her answer would satisfy Hailey, as they were the last ones to enter the room.

"That is so interesting!" Hailey responded a bit too loud for Amelia's liking. To make matters worse, it drew the attention of Dana, the group leader, who for once was not running late after lunch.

"May I ask what is so interesting?" Dana asked as both Hailey and Amelia took their usually seats next together. Ever since Amelia had helped Hailey get thru detox, she and Hailey had become inseparable. The both leaned on each other; Amelia was almost maternal towards Hailey.

"Amelia's family!" Hailey blurted out. Amelia gave Hailey a death glare out of the corner of her eye. Hailey didn't seem to notice.

"That is an excellent place to begin this morning because later today, Amelia's family will be joining us in our afternoon session as part of her family sessions. What may I ask, is so interesting about Amelia family?" Dana questioned as she also took her seat to begin for the day.

"Two of Amelia's siblings are surgeons, and the other two are doctors." Hailey told the room. Everybody had a look of awe on their face.

"Actually, three of my siblings are surgeons, Nancy is one too." Amelia aloofly corrected Hailey's innocent mistake, she was dreading the next question, she just knew that someone was going to ask if she went into medicine because she wanted to or if she was forced to. For the next hour, Amelia answered questions about her family and strategies she had in her 'tool box' to help her deal with her large family. At nine there was a soft knock at the door; it opened before a response could be given. Standing in the doorway was a tall stalky man with a scruffy looking beard.

'Hi, sorry to interrupt but, may I borrow Amelia for the time being?" Dr. Richards asked. Amelia rose from her seat without waiting for Dana answer, because she knew Dr. Richards only asked as a courtesy.

Once they reached his office Dr. Richards began. "So I just met your family..."

"And how did that go for you?" Amelia asked out of interest.

"It was an experience I won't be forgetting anytime soon. Right now there are with Gavin. I just want to go over the plan for today. After morning break, I will join you and your family for a therapy session. As you know I have scheduled the private meeting for you and daughter after lunch. Your family will also be joining you and taken part of your afternoon session with Dana as you know. And last but not least, instead going off campus to your normal…AA meeting is today?" he ask not remembering if it was an AA meeting or NA meeting

"It is NA tonight." Amelia corrected him.

"Right, instead going to your normal NA meeting, you will stay here for a group therapy session with your co-workers." Dr. Richards re-explained the plan for today.

"Now correct me if I am wrong, you said that you wanted to try to make you amends to your family during the family session?" Dr. Richards questioned her and Amelia just nodded her head to answer yes.

"Do you know what you want to say to them yet?"

"No, not really. I know I want to apologize to them, I just don't know how to do it." Amelia told him truthfully.

For the rest of her session Dr. Richards and Amelia went over Amelia's expectations. What she hoped would get out of the family sessions, and what she would tell her family.

The hour passed very quickly and before Amelia knew it she was entering the family therapy room, where her family was working Gavin for the day. She knew Gavin was not in room due to the fact that she had just passed him in the hall. Amelia stood in the doorway for a moment, before she timidly walked in to the room to greet her family. Once Amelia had greeted every one, "Right now we have a break and some free time and then Dr. Richards will be joining us for our private therapy session, then you guys will take part in my afternoon sessions with Dana" she explained as she was looking down at her feet. Just then Amelia realized that today was going to be harder then she thought it would.

"Well this is awkward." Michelle blurted out, after about five minutes of complete silence in hopes of breaking the silence.

"Well take a look around where we are, Michelle. We are having a family therapy session because our baby sister can't keep drugs out her of her nose. What did you expect it to be like, a day at the spa?" Nancy snapped at Michelle from her chair next to Addison.

Amelia looked around and saw that Madison had stepped out to go the bathroom before she made her next comment "Thanks for that observation, Nancy… But I thought Michelle was referring to the fact that is awkward because this is one of the first times that Ma, Derek, and Addison have been in the same room since we found out she was banging Mark Sloan. Without you guys worrying that… you know … I might die with a needle in my arm." Amelia sarcastically answered her older sister.

"We are not talking about Addie and my divorce." Derek told the room full of women. Luckily Derek was used to being surrounded by all women.

"Why not? Don't you think this is the perfect forum to discuss it? After all it was very traumatic for me. After all, we are here to have an open and truthful conversation to help me heal. You do want me to get better, don't you Derek?" Amelia said as she looked at Derek with her big sad eyes in hopes of winding him up because it was so easy to do. Amelia glanced over at Addison who looked like she wanted to be anywhere but in the family therapy room at that moment and tried to avoid all eye contact with the members of the Shepherd family.

"Cut the girl a break Derek, she made mistake almost ten years ago. Besides, which one of us has not slept with Mark? Sleeping with Mark like a rite of passage or something, for us Shepherd Women. In fact I think only Amy has not slept with Mark." Nancy said in defense of her friend and former sister-in-law.

"Thank you for making even more awkward with that comment, Nancy." Amelia replied with a hint of sarcasm in her voice as she stood up looking at the clock. Both Michelle and Kate tried to avoid eye contact with their mother, and praying that the subject would soon be dropped.

"Now it is snack time and I am hungry so I am going to get my snack, and when I get back this conversation will be over." As Amelia started walking towards the door, Maddie opened it up to return to the room after going to the bathroom.

"Mom, where are you going?" Maddie asked as her mother with concern as she was about to leave the room.

"I'm just going to grab something to eat and then I will be back, don't worry… relax, I promise I won't try and escape. " Amelia tried to reassure her daughter. However Amelia could sense that her daughter did not trust her like she did before she relapsed.

"Why don't Madison and I walk with you if you don't mind?" Addison asked Amelia as she gathered up her bag. Seeing the confused look on Amelia's face, Addison began to explain "Don't worry I will bring her back in time for your session, but I am taken Maddie bowling in order to kill sometime." Addison explained as she and Madison walked out of the door with Amelia.

"Wow! A lot has changed since I have been in here." Amelia said.

"What do you mean?"

"I never thought I would live to see the day that Addison Montgomery would be wearing used shoes." Amelia said with a laugh.

At ten thirty Dr. Richards, walked into to the family session room. After greeting everybody for the second time that day, he began the session. "Alright, Shepherd family, why don't you all take your seats and so we can get started. Amelia, why don't you sit next to me?" He said as he pointed to the padded bench in front of the fire place that was flanked by two large couches

"Addiction impacts entire families. Strong families are essential components of successful recovery plans." Dr. Richards explained to the Shepherd family. Amelia was far too nervous to pay attention to the well-rehearsed spiel that her therapist was giving, by the sounds of it Dr. Richards gave the same exact speech at every family session. When he had finished his speech he gently placed his hand on her knee "Amelia, has ask all of you to be here today because she understands the importance of family support for her recovery. Why don't we start, what do you want to tell your family today?" Dr. Richards sensing that his patient was apprehensive. All eyes were on Amelia at this point. "Amelia, everybody who is here today, is here because they care about you and love you, they want you to get better." Amelia was struggling as where to begin and how. "This about you Amelia no one is rushing you, why don't you take a deep breath and when you are ready you can be begin."

Amelia took a deep breath. She didn't know where to begin, or how to start to apologize to her family. She gathered all of her courage she had. She just had to do it, it was like ripping off a band aid, quick and painless or so she hoped. In the end she decided that maybe if she just started talking maybe what she wanted to say would come. "I don't know… how to apologize. I don't know how." Amelia said struggling to form sentences. "I want to take back everything I said... I know I can't. I was sick…. and I was scared and I didn't mean…" As she exhales the breath she just took in attempts to calm herself. She was getting flustered, by the memories of how she treated her loved ones and all the horrible things she said when she was using "I wanted to hurt you…. I was trying to hurt you. And I think I succeeded… And if I could change all of that… If I could go back and unsay… if I could go back and undo…" Amelia rambled on with

her voice full of emotion. Amelia stopped talking to prevent breaking down in tears. She didn't want to break down in front of her older siblings, no matter how old she got she wanted to impress her older siblings, after years of them teasing her, that she was a cry baby and a baby because she was the youngest, she wanted to prove them wrong, and show them that she was strong. "The drugs,… um,… some people think that alcohol and drugs, uh… bring out the truth. And maybe that's the case with normal people. I don't know. I won't ever know. But I know that with me…the drugs bring out lies. They bring out hate, and they bring out cruelty and viciousness, and those things are not me. They're not the real me. The real me is the person that you knew before the drugs. The real me is the person that is sitting here now. And I hope…that you believe me… when I say how sorry I am." As her voice breaks with emotion. "But even if you don't believe me, I have to say it anyway, because… I want to live. The man I loved died and I think that he would be… I think that he would be so pissed at me if I died too, so I'm saying I' m sorry and … I'm saying that I hope you can forgive me. I hope I can forgive myself. I can't take it back, but I'm gonna try to move forward and I'm going to try to do better. I'm gonna try to never hurt any of you ever again." Amelia earnestly told the members of her family. While she was speaking she averted her eyes and looked down at the floor. She was unable to make eye contact with her family due to her embarrassment of her relapse.

At one-twenty five Amelia showed her family including Madison to her group therapy room for the afternoon session. Amelia would allow Madison to stay for this one but reserved the right to leave the room if Amelia became uncomfortable with the direction that the conversation was heading. The private session between her and Maddie accompanied by Dr. Richards went very well. Amelia felt like she gained back some of her Madison trust and respect during their session. She knew that she didn't gain it all back and she would have to work hard to gain the rest back, but it was a positive first step. Amelia saw that some extra chairs were placed in the room for her family. Dana was the last one to enter the room, A few minutes late like always, she always came in, out of breath, her arms filled with books and blaming her tardiness on the one of the other counselors named Anne.

"Alrighty then, let's start back up. As you know we have some visitors this afternoon, Amelia do you want to introduce your family to the group?"

"No." Amelia said simply shaken her head at the question that Dana ask. Dana was flabbergasted, no one had ever said no to this question before.

"Excuse me, but why won't you not introduce your family" Dana asks trying to remain composed. Her entire family took a sharp breath unsure about what would happen next.

"You asked me if I wanted to introduce my family, which I don't want to, however I didn't say I wouldn't I just said I didn't want to." After Amelia's battle of wits with her counselor she pointed out each one of her sibling and her mother and introduced them to the group.

"Thank you for that Amelia. One thing that we have been working on over the last couple of weeks is how to have constructed conversions. I will be here to help mediate the conversation. Now over the last couple weeks Amelia has been working with Dr. Richards and her support team here at Pacific Serenity Treatment to come up with a topic that she feels that would help her in her recovery. Amelia, what topic do you want to discuss with your family today?" Dana asked to begin the conversation.

Amelia was all of a sudden overcome with nerves, in fact she was more nervous now then when she made her amends to her family just a couple of hours before. "well it's kinda two… but it's kinda one… it kinda the same thing." She rambled on all while she was looking at her shoes.

"That alright Amelia, what do you want to talk about?" Dana asked interrupting Amelia's ramblings.

"I want to talk about my Dad and Derek getting shot. Two men in my family were shot and one them didn't survive and I can't talk about it because I was five and barley remember it." Amelia told the group quietly as she made eye contact with Dana. All of a sudden Dana had become a source of comfort and security.

"That sounds like a good topic to start with, what about your dad and Derek getting shot do you want to talk about?" the Shepherds could tell that Amelia was struggling to talk about the subject of their fathers murder. It was not an easy conversation to have. The subject of their father's death had over the years become an unspoken subject within the Shepherd family.

"And we never really talked about it before and then …I… ah… when Derek got shot is ….when I started to drink … there was no pills… but I was drinking…a lot." Amelia told the group.

"And why is that?" Dana asked in order to spur Amelia on.

"It brought up all feelings about Dad, and I was constantly worried because no one was telling me how Derek was doing. Derek was ignoring my phone calls and emails. Then I would call my Ma and she would just lecture me on how I should call my brother and I had to get off the phone before I went crazy trying to find out how he was doing. I had to find out he was okay from his ex-wife. I mean he called his ex-wife but didn't call me. Who calls there ex-wife but not their own sister?" Amelia rambled on asking the room.

"Derek can you tell us why you didn't return any of Amelia calls or emails?" Dana asked in a non-judgmental way.

"We were in the back of store, when the two guys came in. we weren't paying attention to what was happening until Dad yelled. But by that point it was too late. They had already taken the cash and pulled the gun, but now they want his watch, the one mom gave him. I put one hand over her mouth and wrapped my other arm around her. And just prayed to God that she would stay little and quiet." Derek uttered. Nancy, Kate, and Michelle sat silence, this was the most they ever heard about their father murder from Derek or Amelia seeing as neither of them spoke about the subject. "That all I ever wanted for her was to stay little and quiet…but she is not any of those things, she is loud and fearless and it scares the crap out me. How can I call my little sister and tell I have been shot. I can't tell her of my pain. I don't want her know that kind of pain exists." Derek said from the heart. Nancy, Kate, Michelle and Carolyn all had tears in their eyes.

Dana began to speak once Derek had stopped. "Derek, am I correct in saying that you were trying to protect Amelia by ignoring her numerous attempts at communication?

"yeah…I guess so." Derek replied.

"However, Derek in your attempts to protect Amelia you did her more harm. Now I know you didn't mean too, but your shooting was what is called a trigger for Amelia, and it played a major part in her relapse. Your shooting brought back a lot feelings and fears that your sister had from your fathers shooting to the surface. Your sister is an addict, and we talk a lot about what that means here. But one thing that addicts need is a safe outlet to talk their feelings. It is dangerous for them to keep their feelings to themselves, once they start ignoring their issues and problems that's when the danger of relapse begins. Amelia needs to know that it is safe for her to talk about her feelings." Dana explained to the group. She was about to continued when she was interrupted by Amelia  
>"We don't talk about him anymore, he died when I was five, I barely remember him. You all have these wonderfully happy memories of him … stories of him, which I just don't have."<p>

"Amelia, let try using some of the feeling words." Dana interjected "when you guys talk about Dad I feel…"

"When you talk about dad I feel…" Amelia stopped to think about which word she wanted to use. "…I feel left out."

"Tell your family why you feel left out." Dana said to move the conversation on

"I feel left out when you guys talk about him because it's like an inside secret that only the four of you are allowed to know. The only vivid memory I have of him is lying in a pool of his own blood. And I didn't even have that until like last year."

"Here we go again, Amy is going to play the role of the victim. He was our father too. We all were young when two men shot him for his watch. And none of us turned to drugs."

"You were seventeen when he died, I was five! That a huge age difference." Amelia responded.

"Sweetie, why didn't you ask me, I would have told you anything you wanted to know?" Carolyn told her youngest daughter hoping to steer Amelia and Nancy away from a blown out fight.

"I didn't want to make you sad." Amelia told her mother so simply and innocent that Carolyn could swore Amelia was five years old again.

"Amy…" her mother began.

"After Dad died… I stopped being your kid. I was always worried about how sad and lonely you were. I was trying to take care of you."

"Why didn't you ask us then Amy?" Nancy asked condescendingly.

"Right, because you were around so often, you would have sat down and talked with me. You barely had time for me. You were always telling me to stop bugging you and leave you alone."

"Amy, we are you sisters, all you had to do was ask!" Nancy started to raise her voice.

"Oh… Please Addison was and is a better sister to me then all of you combined. She was the only member in our family other than Ma that made the time of day for me. She was the one that helped me do my hair for prom, she was the one who told me all about birth control when I was scared and didn't know who to ask. She made time to talk to with me. It didn't matter how busy she was she made sure that she made time for me, even if it was just for five minutes… She made me feel special, unlike you. She even took me to get my ears pierced Nancy, after you bailed on the plans we made, so you could go the Hamptons for the weekend. You always made me feel like I wasn't worthy of being a Shepherd" Amelia raised her voice unleashing years of anger and hurt on her older sister.

"Well once you got into drugs we didn't know how to relate or talk to you." Nancy yelled back. Out of all of Carolyn's children both Nancy and Amelia were the quickest to get angry. Carolyn knew that is could escalate very fast. Madison had a shocked look on her face, she had never seen her mother this angry before.

"Oh, please you started ignoring me long be the drugs. In fact, maybe if I felt like I could talk with my three older sisters and had their support maybe I wouldn't have turned to drugs in the first place. Maybe I might have even developed better coping skills." Amelia explained through gritted teeth as her face was turning redder by the minute.

"Okay why don't we take a deep breath and calm down." Dana stepped forward to help steer the conversation into more constricted territory

"We are not here to place blame on anyone."

"Oh please! I am your older sister, it is my job to protect you and take care of you. All you ever had to do was ask for my help."

"Oh, that's all I had to do was ask for help. You make it sound like it was that easy. I was drowning in my own pain. When dad died, the bottom of my whole world fell out. I was still at the age where dads aren't supposed to die; he was going to live forever because that's what dads do. There was a dark place that I moved into when dad died. Plus Ma had me in so many after school activities that it just got to be too much. That is when a friend gave me a pill, and I felt better… I felt better then okay. I was great." Remembering the feeling of relief she got from pills that she had not experienced in twenty-six days. "I didn't think I needed help Nancy. For the first time since dad had died I felt relief. I could breathe again. Why would I ask for your help to become miserable again? And why would I ask you for help period? You were the least understanding of out of anyone including Derek. You didn't have any sympathy that I was still struggling with dad's death, which I witnessed when I was five. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to come to terms with it like you guys. You know I still have nightmares. Did you know that Nancy?"

Amelia asked egging her sister on. She was not going to lose this argument. "Do you know I still wake up to the image of him lying on the floor in a puddle of blood? Do you see our dad with a bullet wound to his head, lying in a puddle of his own blood? Do you?"

'No." Nancy answered by just shaking her head.

"No, you don't because that's right you were not there, you were at the mall with your friends." Amelia said coldly as she leaned back in her chair. "But I do! I see it every damn day of my life."

"See she is still playing the role of the victim, we can't understand what she went thru because we weren't there. But I have news for you little sister Derek was there and he didn't turn to drugs!"

"It's not her fault she wasn't there Amy. Just like it not my fault that I wasn't there or moms fault that you were there. It just happened." Kate told the group. Amelia was surprised that Kate had remained quiet for this long and hasn't tried to take control and run the session.

"Kate, I not saying it is her fault, I'm just saying she doesn't understand what I went thru …what I go thru. And she doesn't try either. At least you and Shell try to understand. She doesn't instead of trying to help. She would rather not understand then try to help. You know what she does; she gives me a nickname, and makes fun of me. I know it was you Nancy-pants." Using her own sister's nickname, which Amelia knew that Nancy wished the family, would forget. "I know you named me 'Hurricane Amelia'. You guys want to know why she named me 'Hurricane Amelia'?" she asked turning her attention away from Nancy for a moment. Not waiting for anyone to respond. "She gave me the nickname of 'Hurricane Amelia' because I destroy everything I come in contact with. That right isn't Nancy?" Amelia asked her sister.

Nancy looked down in embarrassment and simple answered by a nod of her head. After all these years, Nancy was finally put in her place. She was forced to confront the idea that she wasn't the older sister Amelia needed or deserved.

The day ended on a good note. A lot of process had been made to help strengthen the family's communion skills and bond. The rest of family was glad to see that Amelia was making a lot progress and taking the steps to put her life back together. Amelia said good bye to her family just outside the main entrance. After her siblings said goodbye to her, they then went and waited by the car in order to give some privacy to Amelia, Madison, and their mother.

Amelia said a tearful good bye to her daughter. "Alright be good, and study, I want you keep your grades up, no excuses. I will see you at Christmas." Amelia said as she held her daughter close to her for a moment longer. "Now why don't you go wait with you aunts and uncle by the car? So I can have a minute with Grandma. "

"Alright sweetie, keep up the good work" Her mother told her has she came in for a hug. "And I will be back in just over month when you are released."

"Ma, you don't have to fly out again for me." Amelia told her mother.

"Yes I do, because I am your mother and it is part of my job description." Her mother told her as she put a loving hand on her daughters face. "And you're going need some to help readjusting and settling back into a routine once you finish your program, because as we learned today a strong family support system is the key to a successful recovery."

"Ma, I have a support system here, I have Addison and Charlotte and I even have a blood relative living in LA. You might know her, she goes by the name of Michelle. Have you heard of her?" Amelia asked teasing her mother.

"Very funny, But I am your Mother. Now Amelia you can try to argue with me but you are wasting your time. It is final. Now go and eat something before your session with your friends because you, my dear, are still too thin for my liking. Good Night, I love you, and I will you in just over a month." Her mother told her as a matter of fact. Amelia may be a grown adult but she was still a child in her Mother's eye.

As Amelia turned to re-enter the building she was secretly glad that her mother was flying out to help her settle back into her life, not that she would have admitted to anyone who asked.


	19. Chapter 19

Hey Guys,

Sorry about the long delay, But I promise I am working on an update. How awesome was it seeing Amelia again? I hope to have this chapter done and posted within the week. Feel free to let me know what you think or if you have any ideas about the story

Any way here is a SNEAK PEAK:

Amelia and her Mother arrived at the beach house later that afternoon. This marked the first time Amelia had returned to her house since the day she left with Ryan. As Amelia unlocked the door, she was glad that Michelle had told her that not only did she hire a professional cleaning crew to clean the house, but after family day, her family got together for a "pill raid" to make sure her house was clean for when she returned home.

Amelia put down her bags and picked up the pile of mail. "I think… I'm going to go jump in the shower." Amelia told her mother who had just finished paying the cab driver.

"No, that can wait first things first, during our pill raid we think we found all of your hiding spots. Since we were not here, we don't know if we've gotten them all. So right now, you and I are going to over thru every room and make sure we got every single bottle of alcohol and every pill." Her mother told her firmly.

Amelia was surprised at just how many of her hiding spots her family found during the pill raid. However, they did miss a few of her favorite hiding spots. Such as a flask that she tape to the back side of her washing machine, a baggie of pills buried deep in one of her plant pots and also on top of her kitchen cabinets. Once Carolyn was satisfied that Amelia showed her the rest of her hiding spots and helped dispose of the remaining substances, she suggested "why don't you go take a shower and I will fix you some lunch."


End file.
